Obligatory throw away, on mobile, yada blah.

This involves me, my friend (A), my friends bf (B), my godson (G), and friends bfs kids (C and D)

So I (30’s F) have a best friend (30’s F) who’s a single mom to my godson (preteen). A and I have been best friends since we were toddlers, she’s more like a sister to me. When A was 20, she found out she was pregnant. She had been in a pretty serious relationship at that point and they decided to go through with the pregnancy. Well, halfway through, she found out she wasn’t the only one pregnant with his kid (not joking when I say that there were 4 other woman pregnant besides A). She dumped him and he wanted nothing to do with their kid since he was a boy (he really wanted a girl). Also to mention, as it’ll be somewhat relevant due to how much time I spend with A and G, I had an accident while A was pregnant that left me disabled and unable to work. I did everything I could to help A through her pregnancy. I went to all her appointments, was her birthing partner, stayed at her house for the first 6 months after G was born and took him/helped out whenever she needed.

Almost 2 years ago A started to date B (30’s M) and they had been friends for nearly 9 years before that. B was also a single father that had 50/50 custody with his ex partner. Last spring he got emergency custody of the kids after CPS had been building a case against the mother of his kids for abuse and neglect. Now he has permanent full custody of his kids and seems to struggle being a full time single parent of two. While A helps out when she can, they currently don’t live together and are about 2 hours apart.

So, onto the issue. I have always been there for A and G whenever they need me. I’m G’s “fun aunt” that he has a lot in common with (gaming, drawing, love of sports, similar music taste, etc). I often take him for extended periods over school breaks and the occasional weekends here and there. I also visit at least twice a month and spend the night over. Sometimes he even begs A to call me to ask if he can come spend a weekend when he really misses me. A often jokes I’m his “second mother” because I’ve “helped raise him” (her words). Needless to say, I love A and G to bits and pieces. I just had G for half of his spring break a couple weeks ago and in 3 weeks will have him from Friday after school to Sunday night. When A told B about this he got upset. He said that I should include his kids C (5M) and D (3F) into this weekend trip. A tried to shut it down, told him that it’s too much work for me because of my disabilities and that it would be uncomfortable for all of us. B argued that I helped raise G and do all this stuff with him (take him to parks, go to aquariums, indoor play places, etc) and that I must be playing up my disabilities. A defended me and said that I don’t do that as often anymore (true since my health has been declining slowly over the years) and that usually my brother or a mutual friend comes along to help keep an eye on G. Well B didn’t like that answer and messaged me telling me that it’s unfair that I take G away all the time so A can have a break but I won’t take C and D to help him.

Here’s the issue for me. 1 - I don’t know his kids, I’ve never met them. 2 - His kids have separation anxiety from B ever since he got full custody; and I completely understand why. They have trauma and still haven’t gotten therapy for it (most counties in my state have long wait lists for therapy). 3 - I would not be able to keep up with a preteen, a child and a toddler. 4 - I already paid for tickets to a sports game for me and G to see together and a movie as well. My funds are limited and I wouldn’t be able to afford two more kids nor could I get a refund for the game. I could sell the tickets but I’d lose money.

Anyways, I responded to him that I was sorry he felt that way, but that I didn’t know his kids and they didn’t know me. That I already had things planned, paid for and booked and couldn’t afford two more for both events and I wouldn’t be able to keep up with his kids if they decided to run around/away. He called me and I didn’t answer. He left a voicemail saying that I was selfish, that I didn’t understand the stress of being a single parent, that I was already helping A so I should help him too and that it wasn’t fair. I refused to acknowledge his voicemail and have stopped responding to him. I did call A and told her what happened and she was not happy. She called B later and then he text me apologizing but it felt insincere. To add, B’s mother lives with him to help him take care of the kids. He also has friends who he’s close to who help with his kids from time to time. Also A and B plan to move in together this summer. So it’s not like he’s without help.

I’ve told this to a couple of friends. Some who were mutuals that asked me what was going on as apparently he has been talking poorly of me, and a couple of friends who don’t know either A or B. The responses seem to be split on if I should have just sucked it up and helped or not. So now I’m second guessing myself.

Edit: grammar