AITA? I'm being torn apart by my family and being called evil. I (28F) have an older sister (32F) who has three kids, a twelve year old son with autism, a ten year old son, and a four year old daughter. I love all my nieces and nephews equally but my oldest nephew is a challenge. He is non verbal and uses a communication device to let us know his needs. He's also prone to violent outbursts where he'll either hit himself and sometimes hit other people. My sister is an amazing mother but I think she fails to see how hard it is. She can deal with him in her sleep but for everyone else it's a huge adjustment.

I have a three year old daughter who's very close with her four year old cousin and my stepson is in the same grade and school as my ten year old nephew and they've become fast friends and play video games and sports together all the time. I married my husband last year so they're still new family members. Because of their friendships my niece and nephews have been coming over all the time within the past year and things have been great and my oldest nephew tags along sometimes. While the kids go off and play together me and him usually just chill and watch TV.

For the past few months however he's been having some violent outbursts while being over here. At first it was just yelling tantrums when he was frustrated with his iPad. It scared me and the kids but it was just yelling and he would eventually stop and calm down and even sign "sorry". And the kids play in other rooms so it wasn't an issue. But lately it's been getting bad. About two months ago it was just my nephews over and younger nephew was playing outside with my step son. Me and my older nephew and my daughter were lounging on the patio chairs. Out of nowhere he threw his iPad on the ground and started yelling like crazy.

I could see his iPad had died and was surprised since my sister usually keeps it fully charged and they had only been dropped off an hour before. I went to pick it up and to redirect him inside to charge it when he pushed me onto the chair and spit on me and the iPad fell. My daughter picked it up to hand to him and he pushed her hard on the ground and KICKED her. My three year old! I was terrified, I had no idea how strong he's getting.

My son and nephew came running over and my nephew was able to calm down his brother but me and my daughter were traumatized. She sprained her wrist because of the fall. My sister was very apologetic, took my daughter out to ice cream and shopping and we were able to move past it but I'm still shaken up from it. My sister was also two weeks post partum when this happened so I have her grace. Being spit on was so degrading but watching my daughter be pushed and kicked on the ground by someone three times larger than her still has me holding resentment towards him even though I knew he didn't mean harm. Ever since then, I've turned down two invites since they both included all three kids and told her I don't feel comfortable with her oldest, but the younger two are free to come over. She said her kids are a package deal and was upset.

On Easter my sister confronted me in front of our whole family for being "bigoted" towards her son just because of one outburst. She said he didn't even do any "real" damage and her kids miss coming over and spending time with mine. Everyone was on her side and said that in all of his years this is the worst thing he's done and to stop alienating him from my kids. And I know he usually is a sweet boy but I just don't want to take any chances.

Yesterday my sister had to take her newborn to an appointment and our brother canceled on her last minute as a sitter so she begged me to watch her kids for her. I told her I only felt comfortable with her youngest two over here so she would have to find alternative caretaking for her oldest son like our mom. She scoffed and said why would she take him to our mom who's thirty minutes away and be late to their appointment when she could just drop them all off here and told me to stop being an asshole and hung up. I don't know if she thought I was bluffing but when she pulled up and I saw all of them I walked to her window and told her to leave.

She started crying saying I'm being such a bitch, that this affects all her kids, and that if I alienate her oldest why would she trust me with her other kids? I told her to not waste her time (her appointment was at 3:30 and it was 2:30) and that she has thirty minutes to go to our moms house since I won't be watching them. She asked me if I'm seriously forcing her to go out of her way thirty minutes just because of one small incident she already "made up to me for" and make her late to her appointment? I said yes. She left very angrily and about an hour later my phone is being blown up by my siblings and parents asking me what the fuck is my issue and calling me all sorts of names. They're making it seem like I'm the most hateful person and I don't have actual reasons why I don't feel comfortable around him anymore. They're saying my daughters sprained wrist and him spitting on pushing us both is "nothing" and that I'm being an evil asshole. My husband is on my side 100% and says that with him getting older his violent outbursts can actually cause physical harm now and they need to stop acting like he's still a child throwing a tantrum and not a preteen going through puberty. AITA?