I (19F, turning 20 in October) have been on my learners license for almost 4 years now. I am genuinely embarrassed about this, but up until October 2024 I had been actively working towards achieving it through paid lessons and lessons with family members. I think it’s important to note that I have never once had either of my parents, or anyone else for that matter, pay for any of my driving lessons. I have also paid for fuel in every instance of family members teaching me in their own vehicles.

We moved states almost 2 years ago and I had only gotten my license renewed in October of last year, to which my hours completely reset (I had almost 100 which was the requirement in our last state, now it is 120. I guess I stupidly assumed they would transfer over.) I was absolutely crushed about this because it had taken me so long to build these hours up, lessons here cost almost double what they were in our last state, and they’re constantly booked out. I have begged my mother to teach me to drive many, many times and she’ll usually agree, decide on a time and date, and then on that day she’ll back out with some sort of excuse.

This is a problem in of itself, it becomes more of an issue when she wakes up the entire house every morning screaming about how I don’t have my license, and how she’s sick of driving me around places all the time. This has been sort of an issue since I turned 16, even before I could legally get my red P’s she would scream about how I rely on her to drive me around (I would walk myself everywhere except town which was 25kms away.) Now, I usually walk to the train station or I book taxis when coming home from work, I don’t mind doing this for her as I finish work most nights at 11pm and she finishes work at 8pm, she’s tired and I get that. We both work at the same place, both start at 3pm AND work the same days (no more no less), yet she still screams about how I should be driving myself to work. I feel crazy entitled for thinking this, but it feels a little bit unfair for her to be complaining about dropping me off at work when we start at the same time on the same days?

I have 4 younger brothers, one of which turns 18 this year and still doesn’t have his learners, and she does not treat him this way. She will happily pick him up and drop him off to/from work every shift, he does not work the same days that we do. I came home this morning at 7am from a night shift, she offered to pick me up and did not complain about doing so, I even offered to book a taxi because I knew it was early for her, and yet again I wake up at 10am to her screaming about how I don’t have my license and how she shouldn’t be responsible for picking me up.

She claims that I am “unteachable,” that she doesn’t have the patience for me, that she doesn’t want to “be like all of those American mothers in the movies who teach their kids to drive,” among other things. This really hurts my feelings as I DO want to learn and I HAVE put in the effort to learn but I can’t get those hours back if I’m relying on $120 lessons once a month, or the even rarer occasion of a family member letting me drive their car around now that we’ve moved to an area where we don’t have any family to help teach me. My dad lives 4 hours away and visits maybe once a month, but that still isn’t enough.

I know where she’s coming from and I’m sure the situation is a lot more nuanced from her side that I’m not giving her credit for, but it’s starting to really get to me when she wakes me and my brothers up every single morning screaming about this, for hours on end, begging for some sort of confrontation that I am just too exhausted to give her. My long term partner has their opens, and is more than willing to teach me, but we live a state apart and I am not intending on moving out until the beginning of next year (even then those plans could change because of money constraints on my end.) I just don’t really know what to do other than to put up with it until I either get my P’s or move out. I guess maybe I just wanted to vent, maybe someone will see my side and relate a bit.

Thanks for reading :]