Let me provide some background context first. My parents had me (21f) together and broke up soon after. My mom was my custodial parent and dad had moved away by the time I was 2. There were moments of contact on and off. But he was never truly in my life. There was zero consistency to it. Then when I was 6/7 my mom died and I went to live with my maternal grandparents. My dad was still disinterested in parenting and my grandparents didn't want to lose me so it was viewed as a win win for everyone. I was where I was wanted and my dad didn't need to figure out other plans for me.

He didn't play a significant role in my life at any time. That is still true today. I don't remember the last time I spoke to him. Any conversation was generally over the phone and lasted for five minutes or less.

I was 10 or 11 when my dad got married. I wasn't at the wedding, never met his wife in person and found out through my grandparents and not him directly.

So that's the background. I'll add my point of the post.

Ever since my dad got married his wife has made attempts to get to know me. She called my grandparents a few days after the wedding and asked to speak with me and claimed she wanted to get to know me. I told them I didn't want to speak to her so that time we didn't talk or the next time she called which was maybe a month later. The third time I answered the phone and so we did talk briefly. She told me she wanted to get to know me and she was excited to be my family. I told her we weren't family and ended the call without saying anything else.

She'd call maybe once or twice a month. Sometimes if I cut her off very early in a call she'd give it an extra month before calling again. Other times my grandparents answered the phone and dealt with telling her no on my behalf. She'd use dad's phone a lot too so she could make sure someone answered.

When I was 15 she and my dad had a kid together and two more when I was 17. With both pregnancies she called to tell me and she invited me to visit and get to know her better and bond with the babies. This continued after they were born.

I did tell her multiple times I wasn't interested and wouldn't change my mind but she never believed me. Or maybe she did and she was determined to change my mind. I don't know this woman to say either way. I never cared either way and my dad had no part in it. His calls were as disinterested as ever and when I asked him to get his wife to stop he asked me what he was supposed to do and she was her own person and could make her own decisions.

A few weeks ago I was staying with my cousin for a bit and spending time with him, his wife and their kids. Apparently my dad's wife couldn't find me online so she decided to stalk my family members and she saw me in photos with my cousins kids and even saw photos of me joining in for family days out with everyone. It annoyed her that I was good with kids and went out of my way to see my cousins kids but never attempted to meet the kids she has with my dad and rejected all efforts she made to establish a relationship between me and all four of them, like her and her kids.

She called my grandparents while I was out and basically called me all these names. They told me they had decided to block the number since dad doesn't call anymore and I was cool with that. But then this crazy woman contacted my aunt through social media and wanted her to pass along what she thought of my refusal to get to know them. My aunt blocked her too but told me what had happened.

Nothing happened since which is good. But I'm annoyed she did that. And also curious if people outside my family think I'm TA for not doing it. I know my family might be biased which is why I'm asking. Because I know dad's wife and their kids aren't him and the kids and I are related even if we're not family. So AITA?