This post was translated to English (it’s not my first language) (All names in this story have been changed for privacy.)

I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend, Trevor (23M), for almost two years. We’re from different cities — I live about 40 minutes from the capital, where he lives. We met through a mutual friend from my town who was in college with him.

Since Trevor didn’t know many people in my town, he used to visit with his best friend, Harry (23M). In the beginning, Harry and I got along fine, but after Trevor and I started officially dating, Harry’s behavior changed. He was still polite, but started acting kind of passive-aggressive when Trevor wasn’t around. I also noticed some behaviors and comments from him that made me uncomfortable, so I started keeping my distance.

Eventually, Harry started dating Laura (20F). Laura was already part of Trevor and Harry’s friend group and was best friends with both of them. She was nice to me when I joined the group — back then, she was dating Brian, another guy from their circle. Laura and Brian broke up, and just two weeks later, she started secretly seeing Harry.

Then Laura and Harry sat Trevor down to tell him about the relationship, and during that talk, they also said some things about me. They claimed I didn’t like them because I once left a party without saying goodbye (I had literally fallen asleep on the couch) and that I wasn’t trustworthy.

I always liked Laura, though we were never close — we mostly interacted at parties. And things between Harry and me had always been tense, but I kept things civil. Trevor told me about the conversation (even though they asked him not to), and I opened up about how uncomfortable I’d been around Harry for a while. Trevor talked to them, and things seemed to cool off for a bit.

I didn’t see them for a while after that (due to the holidays), until I ran into them at Laura’s birthday party in January. I had put a lot of thought into her gift — a bracelet with star and moon charms, because she once told me how much she loved celestial-themed jewelry.

When I arrived, I smiled, wished her happy birthday, gave her the gift, and leaned in for a hug (which is normal in both our cultures). She literally pushed me away, grabbed the gift, and walked off.

I immediately told Trevor, who was furious but didn’t want to start a scene. We ended up leaving the party early, and Trevor received some pretty aggressive messages from both Harry and Laura afterward.

After that, I avoided them as much as I could. Whenever Trevor went out with them, I stayed home. But two weeks ago, it was Trevor’s birthday, and we had a party — they showed up, of course.

Laura came to talk to me like nothing had happened. I was polite, friendly, and we actually talked for a while. Later in the night, after we were both pretty drunk (legal drinking age is 18 here), she pulled me aside and said she wanted to leave the bad vibes behind. She said she didn’t want things to be weird between us anymore.

I told her it was fine, that I liked her, and that we could move on. But she never apologized. And to be honest, neither did I.

Something that stood out was that she mentioned talking to Trevor about this “recently.” But he never told me about that. So I brought it up a few days later, and he admitted that yes, they had talked, and they said some pretty harsh things about me (I won’t get into the details here). He said he understands both sides and that I haven’t exactly made it easy for them either.

According to them, I told one of their friends about Laura and Harry dating before they were ready to make it public, which caused drama with Laura’s ex. I swear I didn’t say anything to anyone. And honestly, if I had, I wouldn’t have a problem owning up to it. It just feels like another excuse for how rude they’ve been.

Now Trevor wants me to apologize to “move on.” He’s tired of the drama. He says that even though they’ve been mean, I’ve reacted badly at times too and made things worse.

But I don’t see why I should apologize to people who’ve treated me so poorly, spread lies about me, and never once apologized themselves. And I don’t get why Laura wanted to “make peace” if she’s still talking badly about me behind my back.

So… AITA for not wanting to apologize to my boyfriend’s friends, even though it’s affecting our relationship?