I (22F) am uncomfortable with my bfs (25M) girl best friend. He met her about 4 months before meeting me, and I knew they were friends before we started dating. They would hangout often, have dinner a lot at her place, and go together to events. Well when I visited him for 3 weeks (LDR) I realized they were much closer than what he has told me. They would talk on the phone every other day (without fail) for about 40mins-1hr and he said he was seeing her typically about 3 times a week. This was too much for me, especially since I was only there for 3 weeks and valued my time with him a lot. We only saw her twice and both times at her apartment, and both times she called him the day after asking to hangout with only him, since she wanted to talk about personal things and didn’t want me to hear. I think it’s a bit ridiculous since I don’t speak German and they would conversation sometimes in their language and know I wouldn’t understand. But the first time she said her grandma was diagnosed with cancer (which absolutely understandable as to why she wanted to only talk to him), and the second time my bf said it was kind of useless and she didn’t really have anything special to talk about. I told him I was uncomfortable with all of this and his friendship with her was too much for me, and it feels like he has 2 girlfriends to take care of. I also didn’t like that he is her closest friend and needs him for absolutely everything. I felt like she needed to maybe take a step back from him and accept he wouldn’t be as available now that he’s in a relationship. He claims all of her previous friends have done her wrong and she just gets along better with men. Let me throw in that 2 weeks before my visit she invited him to Copenhagen, just them two. But this was before my dislike towards her. Then in the same time, she invited him to a ski trip in Italy months ahead, which they went on in March, after him knowing my dislike (agreed to go before knowing, trip happened after). I trust their friendship is platonic, but the emotional connection is far too much for me, which I’ve told him multiple times and it’s just caused arguments because he feel like he treats all his friends the same (he hasn’t been on trips like this with any of his guy friends). She also has a natural flirty personality and I don’t like it. In March, right before his ski trip with her, we were on vacation in Florida and in the car my bf asked me to pick some music from his Spotify. That’s when I realized he made a playlist for her which he named the exact same thing as my playlist he made me for my birthday. He made me an “advent” playlist and added a song every single day of December, it was so special to me and had so much significance since I told him I’ve always begged for an advent calendar and no one has gotten me one. Well he made the same thing for his girl bsf and did it just because… no special reason. He claimed that it was a mutual idea, they were both supposed to add songs, he liked the idea and used it for my birthday. When I looked at the playlist again it showed he had added all the songs except she added one in the beginning. He also added my favorite Spanish love songs to hers and said he did it bc he was thinking of me and would share that info with her. For her birthday he made her a giant string art piece for her wall. Took him hours and effort, he even made the backboard. He said I should appreciate what I got from him, which he did send me a plushy, cookies made by him, and candies from our favorite strawberry farm which arrived about 2 weeks late, so I had held onto the playlist as my birthday gift. Anyway, he did limit his contact with her further after many many arguments, he never understands that he’s making me feel insecure with his actions, but he just does it to stop the arguments. He sees her every 1-2 weeks and they still text and call multiple times a week. I will never be comfortable with her because I feel as though she is knowingly disrespectful towards me and my bfs relationship. She has no boundaries of her own and is trying to squeeze her way back into his life more. She is now “making new friends” by trying to get closer to his housemates… and one of which hates her. He says that I shouldn’t be upset since she’s finding new friends, which is what I wanted, and that he has no control if she decides to be closer to them. Yesterday he was visiting his parents and she called him saying she’s locked out and need her spare key. He wasn’t home so his housemate let her in, she went into his room and into his safe for her key. I was upset because I didn’t know he had her spare key, and she had the code to his safe… and that this adds in to him being her closest friend, which we agreed wasn’t cool. So he got upset and said I just want to find any reason to argue. The past few weeks he’s been calling me controlling… I feel like I am. But I also feel like my emotions are valid and that he doesn’t see that he’s weighing her emotions more than mine sometimes. I understand this is his friendship but at the same time, some boundaries are normal! Anyway… opinions?