For background, one of my best friends since childhood just recently got a boyfriend a little over a month ago. He’s very controlling, clingy, and anxious (even was before they made it official). Everytime we hangout or talk on the phone he calls her over and over til she answers, and everytime she says something like “he thinks he can control me hahah I’m not answering he can just keep calling” and then she gives in and answers it 5 seconds later “it could be important!” Another example, she’s over at my house one weekend (came over at 9pm) and then wakes up at noon from him calling her and then she’s rushing out the door to hangout with him because according to him “there’s no point in hanging out if we can’t hangout the entire day”.

2 weeks later she comes over around the same time at night on a weekend and I tell her before hand “hey I don’t think we should plan to hangout if you’re going to leave right when we wake up” and she tells me she doesn’t have plans the next day with him so we are fine. But what does she do? She wakes me up at 11:30 and says she has to leave because he’s on the way to my house. And then he texts her “hellloooo I’m here are you gonna hurry up and come out??” The second he arrives. Didn’t even give me time to say goodbye.

Anywayssss, flash forward to this week, I ask on Monday to hangout on the weekend. She says yes. I tell myself “if I don’t text her every single day to remind her of our hangout, I bet she will make plans with her bf and forget me”. So I try that experiment out. Her, my other friend, and I all confirm our hangout on the weekend. The week goes by and I don’t text her or call her reminding her of said hangout (I still text her about other things, which she takes all day to respond to). Saturday comes and I text our group chat “so are we still hanging out?” And she goes “oh I didn’t know sorry”. She claims she “forgot” and “assumed my other friend had work” even tho we all confirmed it days prior. She said she needs reminders or she will forget and I tell her “I purposely didn’t remind you because I thought if you WANTED to hangout with us, you’d text or call to confirm a second time or just text or call the day of to say hey see u soon.” She tells us that she misses us and wants to hangout but made plans with her bf bc she didn’t think we were still on for the weekend. The thing that bothers me is that she truly thinks she isn’t seeing us because she just forgot and it’s no big deal. I get that partners come first but she hangs out with him 24/7. My whole thing is if she was thinking about us and wanted to see us, she would have said something, instead of just assuming we weren’t hanging out. If her boyfriend made plans with her and then didn’t bring them up for a few days, does she just assume they aren’t plans anymore and make other plans? No. So I try to be nice and give her the benefit of the doubt and say it’s alright that she isn’t coming and maybe it’s for the better because we would have been going to a lake party with a lot of guys there and that would have made her bf upset. She then says “oh I wanted to go”. Like uh okay then you shouldnt have made other plans and should have decided to come to your ORIGINAL plan you agreed to. Then she says she’s gonna make her bf take her to the lake party so we can all hangout. I don’t remember inviting him? I told her that I didn’t want to hangout with him, I wanted to hangout with her, so it would be for the best if she just stuck to her plan with him. She tells me that my reminders aren’t annoying and to please keep reminding her constantly of our plans before they come. I tell her “ik it’s not annoying to you, it’s annoying to me. I constantly have to plan everything out and if I don’t remind you each day, you forget and make plans with your bf? If you had us on your mind a little more, you’d reach out to me about hanging out. It feels like I’m a reminder on your phone, telling you that you have an appointment you HAVE to go to, doesn’t feel like you want to make time to see us. Some people get a partner and they become their #1. Nothing wrong with that. I just have to get used to it.” She ignored me after that. Am I in the wrong?