I know this is going to get mixed feedback but I feel like I need other opinions right now. I (33f) haven’t talked to my “parents” since I was 16 when they abandoned me. My childhood was completely devoid of love, Haley and Aaron (this is what I call them because they are not my parents) didn’t want a girl and when I was born they didn’t hide their disappointment. They both went through the steps of parenting but no emotion was behind it, from the age of 3 they put me in dance lessons that I went to every day, often for at least five hours, it was where they put me so they wouldn’t have to see me. When I started school my house became just the place I slept. I didn’t have many friends either because dance was my entire life, and even if I had free time Haley and Aaron would refuse to drive me anywhere. This is how my childhood went for 12 years. Then Haley got pregnant with Jack, he was who they had been waiting for this whole time. They acted completely different, not towards me but towards the world, they laughed more, cooked more and seemed happier, but none of this was given to me. When Jack came they stopped paying for dance, I was devastated because it was my life, they told me the money was for Jack now. Instead I started spending time in my room, because I always was in the way when I left for anything but the bathroom. This was my life for four years.

A week before my 16th birthday they asked me to have dinner with them, i had no idea what it was for because I haven’t eaten dinner with them once in my entire memory, even for thanksgiving I was on my own. I was nervous but I was also excited thinking that maybe they would notice me, I was very wrong. We went to a restaurant and my parents pulled out a big envelope filled with paper work. “Have you ever heard of emancipation?” Aaron asked me. I hadn’t so they began to tell me that once I was 16 I could separate from them legally and live on my own. I was confused at how that would work, I’d never been allowed to have a job and I didn’t have any money. Aaron and Haley told me they had filled out most of the documents and that we could set a hearing date for approval. I asked them where I would stay and with what money, they told me there was an account they set up in my name when I was younger and they’ve been saving it for this moment. They told me they would help me find a place and move and get a job, they were so dead set on this and when I voiced my concern they told me I was ungrateful. It was clear I had no choice, and with all their documentation the process went smoothly and I was emancipated very quickly after I turned 16.

The day after the hearing I got home from school and there were two large suitcases on the porch, I went up to the door and it was locked and my key wasn’t working, I tried the garage code but that was also changed, finally I knocked on the door. Haley and Aaron came out smiling and I could hear Jack through the door. They stepped outside and close the door behind them, I asked what was going on and they told me that I couldn’t live with them anymore. I was confused and told them I had no money and that they agreed to help me find a place. “Well you aren’t our child so we don’t want you here, you aren’t our responsibility.” Aaron got angrier the more he spoke and when he finished I asked if they were really doing this. Haley said they’ve been wanting to do this for years and with that they went inside and dead-bolted the door behind them.

I stood on the porch for a while before I decided I had to figure stuff out, I spent 16 years alone I could do this, after all they weren’t my parents. I hid my bags in the alley behind my old dance studio and went to the park nearby where I found bushes to sleep in. The next day I got on the school bus and went to drop out, the admin were confused but with my age and emancipation they couldn’t stop me. I spent the rest of the day applying to every job I could find. I ended up with three jobs, working 80 hour weeks at a coffee stand, restaurant and a 24 hour diner. I made a deal with two of the jobs to ignore the labor laws to get paid extra hours under the table. I busted my ass and spent every waking moment working, I got a cheap gym membership for the showers and after six months of work I was able to get a small and crappy apartment on the wrong side of town. I lived like this for three more years and when I was 19 I had enough money to move to the other side of the country.

I moved to New York and got another tiny sketchy apartment and changed my last name to something generic but I felt more like myself than I ever had before. I started working two jobs and when I had settled in more and had the funds I decided to try ballet again. All of my former training came back and I got good again, and fast. What was fun turned into my passion, I knew I wanted to make it my job so I did. It took years but when I was 26 I got accepted into the American Ballet Theatre, the best in the country. I was good and kept getting better, I stared in lead rolls often and during one show about a year after joining I got paired with Spencer (35m) for a show and we clicked, he asked me out after a week and we’ve been together ever since. He proposed after three years and we got married shortly after. We have a little girl together who is now a year old and the light of our lives. Spencer and I are both principal dancers now and very successful and happy. I am living a life filled with more joy than I thought possible as a kid.

Everything was going well until two weeks ago, I was at work when one of the receptionists came and pulled me out of class. She told me that my parents were there and I told her that wasn’t possible, but then Haley came rushing down the hall with Aaron behind her, both of them beaming. Haley hugged me which I did not return, to be clear this is the only hug she’s ever given me in my life. I turned to the receptionist and said “I don’t have parents and I don’t know who these people are, please have them leave or I will talk to security.” Haley looked like I’d punch her and Aaron looked at his shoes. I just turned back around and went to class. Spencer noticed something was off and asked what’s wrong so I told him, he knew about my childhood, the emancipation and homelessness, he held me when I cried about having no one to walk me down the aisle, or when our baby was born, he knew the irreparable harm they caused me. When we left to go home we passed the coffee place right by ABT and for the second time I saw Haley and Aaron coming up to me. Haley said hi and that she missed me, I said nothing, then my dad turned to Spencer. “Who are you?” He said with a raised eyebrow. “I’m wondering the same thing” Spence responded. “Im her dad!” Aaron said, I was going to step in to deny that claim but Spence beat me to it, “She doesn’t have a father.” “Everyone has a father.” Aaron insisted. “No I assure you she doesn’t, her father would have been at our wedding, and met our daughter, and I haven’t even met you so I am certain you aren’t her dad.” Haley gasped when he said that, and they both turned to me, speaking over each other asking why I never told them about my wedding and my daughter. “Im not doing this.” I said before tugging Spencer’s hand and walking away. That night we discussed what I wanted to do, I never want them back in my life I know for sure but I am also really curious what brought them back because I am certain it wasn’t a relationship with me. I told him that if we saw them again I’d set a time to talk to them with him and we’ll go from there. He agreed and we went to bed but the next morning as we are walking to ABT they are again sitting at the coffee shop next door.

They both stood up and started walking towards me and despite what I said the night before I wasn’t in the mood. Haley approached first but before she could get a word in I told her to shut up and then turned and went to continue but Aaron said “You shouldn’t talk to your mother like that.” All I did was laugh and continue forward, Spencer laughed as well and I am so grateful that he is here with me. The day went without any more interruption and when Spence and I left they were still at the coffee shop but they didn’t approach this time and I barely glanced their way. The next morning again they were at the coffee place and again I walked straight past them. After work that night they were still there and I finally decided I had to deal with this, I walked up to them and asked what they wanted and why they were here. Haley started talking about how much they missed me and how the minute I left, yes they said that I left, they missed me and felt a hole in their lives. To just clarify a few things I continued living in Seattle for three years after they kicked me out and I saw them a few times while at work but they ignored me entirely. When I moved to NYC I was hard to find sure, but once I became a principal ballerina it was easy. Yes I changed my last name, and have again since the marriage, but it would take ten minutes of googling around to find me based on my old name, I tried once a few years ago out of curiosity. I asked what they really wanted and they swore up and down that it was just to rebuild out relationship, i had no desire to do that but I wanted to know what was so important that they had to find they’re “daughter”. I told them we can meet for dinner, I will pay and Spencer will be there, and we could go from there. The dinner happened two days later and I’m going to keep this as short as possible but a lot happened.

We met and Haley tried to hug me but I put my hand up to stop her, she seemed sad but dealt with it as they both sat down at the table. They started with small talk asking me how I was doing, I kept my answers brief especially when they began to ask about my daughter. Aaron began to ask Spencer questions as well. About how we met and what he does, then Haley asks, “Why didn’t you invite us to the wedding?” I scoffed a bit before asking why they would expect an invite and Aaron responded that they were my parents. This pissed me off and I went on a bit of a tirade, “You are not and will never be my parents, you told me that I wasn’t your daughter after forcing me to legally emancipate so you could abandon me without consequences. I slept in parks and under bridges for sixth months, I worked 80 hour weeks at three different places, and you let me. I moved myself to New York and became a dancer, a successful and talented principal dancer at one of the world’s best companies and I did it all without parents.” I wasn’t loud but my words were sharp and they both shut up for a second. Aaron said he was sorry and that every day I was gone they missed me. Again I scoffed “I was living in the park down the street and worked at the coffee stand you went to every Sunday, you had every opportunity to find me and change what you did but you didn’t. Because you aren’t my parents, I mean nothing to you and you mean nothing to me.” Haley looked to be teary eyes but I really did not care. “We know we messed up we want to change.” “And why now?” They both looked at each other before Haley said “Your father” before Spencer cut him off and said “Aaron.” They looked upset but Haley continued “Aaron has cancer, and we aren’t sure what the future will look like but we have a different perspective now and came all this way to see you.” This immediately raised red flags for me, yes objectively that is sad but I felt absolutely nothing. “You have cancer? What kind?” He replied that it was stage three colon cancer and his prognosis isn’t great but there are treatments that seem to be helping. This didn’t change anything to me, they did the unforgivable and I won’t be manipulated into a relationship by guilt. I simply nodded and let the silence hang, Haley looked at me and seemed pretty upset at my lack of reaction but couldn’t do anything. I asked them how Jack was, they told me he was okay and he was figuring himself out he wasn’t in college and doesn’t work and yet still they gush about him with so much pride. The dinner continued and we caught up a bit, they acted like real people and for once in my life seemed to be curious about my life.

The dinner ended ok and I paid the bill and as I was getting up they asked to chat a little more, I was wary but sat down anyway. They started me asking questions like where we lived and how rent is so expensive in New York, then they asked about my job and if it was supporting me enough to which I told them that me and Spence are comfortable. I could tell where this was going, they needed money. I figured it out quicker than they thought and said “Why do you want my money?” after Haley mentioned that the restaurant was really nice and they had never been somewhere so fancy. “We don’t want your money!” Haley said but Aaron turned and said, “We don’t want it we really need it.” I waited for him to continue and he told me that the cancer bills were overwhelming and that they can’t afford it anymore but if he doesn’t get the treatments he will die in the next year two. I told them both that they would not get any money from me as they were two strangers and told them to leave me alone. Haley burst out sobbing and begging as Aaron sat there livid. They asked if I would do this to my own father and for what felt like the hundredth time I told them that they were not my parents or my family and they certainly were not friends and I grabbed Spencer and we left. Haley was at the coffee place the next day and the minute she saw me she ran up. “I know we weren’t there for you but we want to change that. I want us to be there for each other and this can be a start.” I told her that I didn’t want them in my life and that would not be changing. They were both sitting there every morning and night since the dinner a week ago and they continue to pressure me, they shove letters in my hand and Haley cries every time i walk away. Spencer is with me wholeheartedly, he thinks Aaron deserves it and I’m inclined to agree, but mostly I don’t feel anything towards them I just want them to get out of my life. They haven’t been harassing me exactly, they remain pretty well mannered but I am done with the constant guilt trips. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m being wrong, that I should pay for them at least somewhat. It’s not that I feel bad but between me and my husband we are very well off and we could afford it. I don’t want a relationship I just want them to go away and if paying them will do then I can go back to them not existing.

I don’t know what to do and am open to any advice