I (17f) didn't have much of a relationship with my dad until I was 12. He and my mom were together until I was 4 or 5 but he was distant, absent, largely disinterested, cold, not loving and after a while that was just normal. Then he was largely absent from my life after the breakup until I was 12. He came back and made an effort to get to know me. He apologized for not being around. We hung out for a few months and he told me he'd met someone and they'd be getting married in a few weeks from the time we talked. He wanted me to come. He told me he'd also like to spend more time with me after the wedding too. He suggested I could maybe spend some nights at his house. I hesitated but said we'd see.

He did keep coming around and stuff. I did spend some nights at his house. Even when he and his wife were expecting their first baby together he made time for me. But while she was pregnant they talked about names around me and dad really wanted to name their daughter after his mom. He said he always loved the idea of honoring the women in his life and with his mom having terminal caner he loved the idea of doing that and his wife agreed.

At the time it kind of stung because my name has no family association and from what I heard he didn't give a crap what I was named. What stung in other ways was after the baby was born he would talk about her most of the time when with me. He'd show off photos and stuff. Talk was 100% about them and when he took her to meet his mom before she died I wasn't invited along.

He actually never invited me to family stuff his side hosted. And he'd come back and show off the baby with the family and stuff. He'd talk about what a great time they all had.

Then he made this social media post about me, calling me his first baby and all kinds of stuff and how proud he was of me. It made me feel like I was overreacting to the other stuff. He even paid for me to go to a summer camp I'd always wanted to go to but mom couldn't afford. And he drove me there most days. Then when I was in the hospital for a week he showed up again.

But he also canceled plans last minute a lot because of his kids (especially after his second with his wife was born). He wasn't able to talk much either after his son was born. And when we did again, he'd talk mostly about his kids.

Last year they had a third and last kid together. Another girl. They named her after his long dead grandmother. He talked about how that was the one name he always wanted to use for a daughter, long before he had kids. And there was talk and some social media posts about how much he loved and missed his grandmother and knew he'd honor her one day.

That name choice hurt me most because he had me, skipped over this wish to pass on family names and didn't even take part in naming me, and then gushes about how important not only family names are to him but that name in particular. Ever since she was born all he talks about is them, but her most of all. I was trying to talk about my graduation with him and he brought up the baby. The few times we've hung out since he talks about her and has no interest in anything else.

His wife and I got into a fight a couple of months ago because she wanted a babysitter and I said no. He couldn't even focus on that and instead talked about how amazing his kids, especially the baby, are.

I cut him off one day last week and told him we needed to talk, that I had things I needed to say and he needed to listen. It caught him off guard but he shut up. I told him how I felt like he didn't see me as an actual daughter. I brought up how I felt like he cared more about his three younger kids and I brought up the naming stuff and how them having family names, and the youngest having the name he wanted since before I was born, hurt when he didn't play any role in naming me or care about making sure I was included with this important tradition. I mentioned all the canceled plans and how it felt like his efforts weren't to be my dad but something else and it was confusing because sometimes he made it seem like he saw me as his kid.

After all that all he could focus on was the name stuff. He asked me why I'd be hurt by the names when I have my own. Then why did I want "my sister's" name. Why was it such a big deal to me. And I explained it to him again and tried to bring up the other stuff but he brought it back to the name. Then when I left he was texting me about the name. He ignored everything else I said and fixated on the damn name issue. It was only one part and not even the biggest part. I told him I feel like he doesn't care all that much about me when he fixates on the name part of what I said when I said a whole lot more than just that. He told me it wasn't true and that it hurt that I'd say that when he has tried so hard to be back in my life. Then his wife texted my mom (because I blocked her after the fight about babysitting) and she's saying I was unfair to my dad and I should know he cares and how fucking dare I make a fuss over the names of her children. That it's none of my business. So again it was all about the names.

AITA?