I (16F) have always had kind of a rocky relationship with my grandma. She’s very old-fashioned and always seems to favor my cousin “Lily' (17F). Lily is more outgoing, does ballet, gets good grades, and basically lives that 'perfect granddaughter' life. Every time I go visit my grandma, it’s like she uses Lily as the gold standard and holds me up to her.

She’ll say stuff like “Lily would never dress like that” or “Lily already has her college plans figured out, why don’t you?” It’s honestly exhausting. I’ve never said anything because my mom always tells me to be respectful and that Grandma’s just old and doesn’t mean anything by it.

Last week, we were over for lunch and Grandma said in front of everyone, “You really should start watching your weight—Lily’s always so careful with what she eats.” I was so embarrassed. I didn’t say anything right then, but later I told my mom that I’m not going back to visit if Grandma keeps comparing me to Lily. My mom got upset and said I’m being rude and ungrateful, and that Grandma’s just trying to “motivate” me.

I told her that constantly being compared isn’t motivation—it just makes me feel like I’ll never be good enough. She said I’m overreacting, but I’m honestly just tired of it. AITA?