I (38M) have a particular dislike for the smell of weed. Intellectually, I have no issue with weed, but I had bad experiences in college with a roommate who smoked constantly and used our bill money to pay for it, to the point of having the power shut off and getting an eviction notice. I had to pay his share of the rent constantly working a full time job, and he quit his job and just got high.

My wife (35) loves all forms of cannabis. In the past we’ve had some arguments that boil down to I’m harshing her vibe while she’s high, usually by not finding something she does charming or funny (her words). I genuinely love my wife, and want her to enjoy things, so I’ve been putting forth an effort to move past my hang-ups. She’s a great person, extremely good at her job, the exact opposite of my old roommate. But I can’t help how the smell brings up really bad memories. I’ve explained this to her multiple times, including that I wish she wouldn’t keep her stash in our dresser, because it makes the room smell bad every time it gets opened.

Tonight she went and smoked outside. The house smelled like weed, but I pushed past it and tried to have fun and be goofy with her. I am normally a goofball. While I was eating a snack she came walking up to me for like a hug or something and the smell overwhelmed me. I panicked and backed up. She looked kinda hurt, and I stupidly said “sorry, you smell like BO.” Idk why I phrased it like that, but truthfully, they smell the same to me. She got FURIOUS, stormed out, took a shower. I tried to talk about it and she was like “I don’t want to talk to you.” We did eventually talk and it didn’t go well. She ultimately couldn’t provide me a version of that conversation that would go well. Like no matter how I phrased the objection, she would have been hurt. I understand she doesn’t like the feeling of crashing down from a high, but I have a hard time accepting that I was supposed to just deal with it for the sake of her fun.

During our argument, she made comments like “don’t worry, you’ll never have to smell this again. I don’t want to smoke around YOU ever again.” But in like a really venomous way that made me feel like, well, I’m the asshole. So am I?