I will try to keep this long story as succinct as possible. For a little context, my parents spent my childhood parentifying me and convincing me that their emotions mattered more than my own. They aired their grievances with one another to me at a young age. I’ve had a hard time saying no and standing up for myself as an adult while trying to escape fight or flight mode. I am a work in progress.

About 8 years ago, I found out my mom was having an affair of sorts. I found out my dad was having an affair a few years later with a long time family friend for god knows how long. My parents are both terrible communicators and didn't work hard enough on their own marriage. A couple of years ago, everything came to a head and my parents called it quits. My mom’s anxiety pressured me into buying a house for her and my brothers to move into. The same week they moved out, my dad moved this particular mistress and her child into his place.

My mom and brothers move in and my husband finds out accidentally that she is housing a homeless man in her vehicle. I confront her, she says she is doing it temporarily, and then I find out they are dating. He is the age of her oldest child. After homeless guy brandished a machete in our yard, the police are called and we tell her he needs to go (mind you we have a 6 year old) and two days later he is back in her van. We eventually move out and she and homeless guy move out of state and not 4 weeks later my husband is taking a flight to rescue her from being held for ransom by him in a hotel. (She is now safe and with family who is not me.) Wild…I know. My husband and I spent $2,000 rescuing her between flights, hotels and getting her vehicle to another state.

Days before my mom left, my dad and mistress come over to drop off divorce papers where mistress not 5 minutes later hints that they are planning on getting married. It’s one of those things where he pretends to be annoyed by her behind her back but still goes along with what she says in the moment which is confusing AF and it feels disingenuous. He seems all doom and gloom when he comes over to visit all the while posting pictures online of them doing things together and he is smiling.

A holiday comes up recently and she argues with my husband in our house about taking my son to go do an activity my husband and I decided we wanted to do with him instead. He is OUR child for god’s sake. She then proceeds to threaten to take away something she just gave my son if he didn’t give her a hug before they left and then she kissed my kid on his head. I get mad and text my dad and he tells her to apologize. She apologizes over text and I come unglued when she tells me that I’m “not accepting of my parents getting divorced” and that sometimes people “fall out of love” “love just found them”, and “hopes I can find it in my heart to accept her.” I proceed to tell her how she participated in the destruction of my family and that I hope she can imagine how it must have felt to read the messages of their affair and that I knew about them “finding love” while he was still married to my mom. She posts biblical things on Facebook but is exactly the opposite of who she claims to be. She hasn’t responded. She is a terrible person and I don’t regret what I said.

There are many little things I’m leaving out such as Christmas when the mistress was standing in my kitchen and told my dad he would be “getting lucky later” while I was standing right next to them. The same night I questioned my mom on why she only came to eat dinner and leave, not even saying goodbye and she said “I need to spend time with my loved ones (aka homeless guy), too.” I cried pretty hard that night.

Ig the advice I seek is regarding whether or not I should attempt to have a relationship with my dad even though he won’t admit his wrongdoings. He hasn’t bothered to ask or think about how all of this has affected me over the last few years. I honestly feel like I don’t have parents and that I have raised myself to be the person I am today. It hurts but I’m looking for peace for myself and the family I created.

Thanks for any advice! Sorry this was so long!