This is a bit long, so thank you in advance for reading.

I (30s F) am best friends with the bride. She’s eloping abroad with no guests due to financial/accessibility reasons. While I understand her choice, I’ll admit I’ve felt hurt and disappointed that I won’t be there on her big day. Her sister, who was also originally a maid of honor, feels similarly. There’s been some tension within the family and friend group over this decision, but we’re respecting it.

To celebrate her, we threw a big bachelorette weekend. Over 20 women stayed in a large Airbnb, and I helped organize the whole thing with two of our close friends and sister. The bride’s sister barely participated in the planning and cited financial struggles for not contributing much—which I understand, but it added pressure on the rest of us.

Her only major task was cooking the Friday dinner, something meaningful to her and the bride. I was tasked with buying all groceries, including what she needed. She never sent a list, and when I asked while shopping, she said the bride’s fiancé would be picking up her ingredients that morning which I thought was weird to invole him. But agian a decision due to her financial situation. That didn’t happen, so I ended up buying everything.

By the time the weekend started, there was already underlying tension between us. I’ll own that I was snippy and frustrated, especially while doing set-up this extended not to just me but a few others that helped with planning. We had custom gift bags for each guest, and I put them in the rooms to help with room assignments. The sister arrived late, moved them all, and re-staged them beautifully in front of the fireplace. I was annoyed at first but admitted I was wrong—it looked great and turned into a fun moment for the bride.

Still, we butted heads. I tried to step back and remove myself when I felt too annoyed (something I’m working on). I stayed in my room while decorations were finished, then rejoined the group. I wasn’t overly warm with her for the rest of the weekend, but I was still a gracious host.

Another point of conflict: a grocery delivery mistakenly sent to our Airbnb included steaks. I decided to make them for myself for breakfast. She insisted (with a tone) that I use the grill—outside, in four inches of snow. I declined politely at first, but she kept pushing until I snapped and said, “If you think you can do it better, go ahead,” and walked away. Some guests later poked fun about it (“how were the steaks?”) since i eventually did end up making them myself, which added to my embarrassment.

That night, I skipped an activity to clean the Airbnb before checkout. A few others, including the sister, helped. At first she was insistant that we leave most of it for the morning (checkout was at 11am). But with some annoyed back and forth she started to hlep all the while mutter annoyance. While cleaning, she began insisting we empty the fridge and store the food in the cars because the weather was cold enough. I pushed back—one, because we hadn’t even figured out carpooling or who was taking what, and two, because not all the groceries were mine, and some belonged to guests. My goal was to clean the shared items: decorations, pots/pans, and leftovers from dinner. We were ultimately aligned on the end goal (clean the place), but had totally different ways of going about it—and clashed. Again.

She kept pushing the fridge issue until I finally said, politely but firmly, “Please stop talking to me.” Then I stepped away again, packed up my personal items, waited for her to go to bed, and then returned to finish organizing games, decorations, and other items to make checkout easier for everyone.

After the weekend, she texted me an apology. I responded with a polite “thank you.” But later, the bride said I also needed to apologize because it wasn’t just her sister who created tension. While I understand that our dynamic was awkward and likely noticeable to others, I don’t feel like I owe the sister a personal apology. I’d rather apologize for my actions that may have made others uncomfortable—but not for standing my ground or choosing to disengage from someone I don’t consider a friend. I’ll always be respectful, but I don’t want to pretend there's a friendship there.

So… AITA for telling the bride I won’t apologize directly to her sister, but that I’m happy to acknowledge my role in the awkwardness?