Well, like the title says, three men. I’m 21F now for context.

Edit: ugh, I’m not concerned about the men but about the principles of why it hurt me. They treated me like I didn’t deserve respect (at least one of them did) and I just noticed a pattern and I’m wondering if it’s a bad assumption to make. I’m cordial but don’t speak with people from my past, if I see them in person we’ll talk.(although it’s not likely) and I think blocking is childish and immature when you could just talk it out. I was literally blocked after thinking everything was going well. We would have small talk then the next day im blocked.

Edit #2: Definitely not karma farming. I’m seeking opinions on a thought and why it hurt me at the time and a pattern I noticed in the three people that have ever blocked me.

TL:DR- I’m a 21F and I’ve noticed a pattern where three different guys have blocked me after I moved on from them, and I can’t help but think it’s because they only wanted to stay friends if there was still a chance with me.

Guy 1: Met him on Tinder at 18, wanted a casual thing, developed a crush, got rejected, but stayed friends. We hung out even after that. He got a girlfriend and still invited me over, (I didn’t know he had a gf till we hung out when he could have texted me this without me having to go over to his place) then suddenly said we couldn’t be friends anymore because of her. Later, he fully blocked me and told people I was “obsessed,” and that we slept together, which wasn’t true—I was just hurt because I genuinely saw him as a friend. And then he would pretend as though everything was fine and like he hadn’t blocked me and severely hurt me.

Guy 2 (my ex): We dated for a year, broke up mutually, but he guilt-tripped me about the breakup. I still checked in on him out of care, and when I told him I was talking to someone new, he sent a long emotional text and then blocked me shortly after. He was always a bit insecure during our relationship (very miniscule things) but we had talked about it and said we would be cordial if we ever broke up and moved on.

Guy 3: We were in a talking stage, not exclusive, but I slept with someone else and told him right away because I knew I wasn’t serious. We ended things respectfully. Later, I started dating (and then married secretly) my fiancé (publicly referred to as fiancé to avoid confusion like this comment section), and after posting a birthday message for him, Guy 3 unfollowed me—even though he was also dating someone and had stayed friendly with his ex. The day before he had sent me a funny reel and I responded. He was aware of my relationship but I guess the birthday post made him want to unfollow me.

I don’t go back once things end, and I’ve been rejected many times but always stayed cordial. So I don’t understand why they couldnt have been respectful and not hurtful with the words they say or the blocking. It feels like they only stayed around in case I changed my mind. When I didn’t, they dipped or got weird. Am I the a**hole for thinking that they could have just unfollowed and moved on?

Actual Post.

Guy No. 1 A guy I thought was my friend but initially met on tinder when I was 18 and fresh off a bad breakup. He was 20 turning 21 and I wanted a fwb situation and discussed the reason why with him. He agreed at first but somehow later decided against that. I realised I had developed a crush on him and I told him. I don’t take crushes seriously, to me it means I don’t want to date them but I’m attracted enough to them for it to cause me anxiety so to relieve that anxiety I tell them. I’ve been doing this since I was 10. Been rejected everytime lmaoo. But anyway got rejected, didn’t care. Continue to hang out w this guy. We’d occasionally kiss and even attempted to have sex but he couldn’t get erect. I didn’t care. At the time I was also just trying to numb the pain from the break up and he felt like a good friend I could talk to about it. He said the reason why he couldn’t get erect was because he didn’t like me like that. I told him that it was fine I didn’t care like that.

Forgot to mention he’s like 6’7 and the same major as me (a specific type of engineering) and was the only other Nigerian I had met at the time in my major, so explains why there was some attraction. He was very nonchalant which was why I knew I DID NOT want to date him but en logic can’t stop crushes forming.

At some point he would say he wants to tell me something but then never actually tell me when I ask him about it. It was weird and reminded me of a situation when I was 13/14 when I had a massive crush on a guy in my history class and he liked me too and wrote a scrambled message (in a language I taught him) to tell me he liked me but I was never able to decipher it because he kind of messed up when using the code and he wouldn’t tell me exactly what he meant. We talked about it almost 2 years later when I was 15 and I confessed to him that I had liked him and he told me he had liked me too at that time but he thought I didn’t like him back💀. Tbh I have a very serious looking face so I could see how he thought that although I thought I was giving signs. Lmao.

We leave college for the semester and I occasionally text and call him over the summer. Things were cool (or so I thought). I even invited him to the birthday party I had planned. The start of the fall semester (Late August) comes around and I’m trying to hang out w college friends before I get to busy and since I consider him a friend I reach out and ask if he wants to hang out. He says yes and we set a time for 2 days after. When I get to his dorm (he was an RA) the first thing he says was “I have a girlfriend” I’m like ouu that’s awesome so happy for you. And I tell him I’m also talking to someone, he asks about him and I ask about her. We have a great chill time and he invites me to play his game w him (which I’m terrible at) and then I leave. My birthday comes around 3 days later and he doesn’t wish me happy birthday. I am so confused so within the week I call him and he says I have a girlfriend so I can’t be friends w you but we’re cool. In my head I’m like “bruh you’ve had a girlfriend for 4 months, I shouldn’t have been invited to come over to your dorm in the first place if that was the case” anyway I’m slightly upset by the soft blocking but didn’t think too much of it because I thought we were cool. he was still following me and was on my private story (that he could leave at anytime if he really didn’t want to speak to me). I see him in person one day and he just walks by me even tho I’m pretty sure he could see me, I texted him Heyy didn’t know we were ignoring each other now or something along the lines of and boom I’m blocked 😭 I’m like what on earth is going on? Did I do something? Brah anyway, I’m blocked for a while and I’m still obviously incredibly hurt (didn’t help that I had also lost a friend (he died) and was suffering from severe panic attacks at the time)

A year passes I guess and I find out he’s talking to a close friend of mine cause she reaches out and asked me if I’m okay w her dating him. I’m confused as to why I wouldn’t and apparently he’s been saying I was obsessed with him because I was hurt he blocked me. I’m like bruh what that’s not even the case. I was incredibly hurt yes but I never liked him. To me he was always just a friend. A friend I was attracted to when I was 18 and never been around someone who’s 6’7. I wouldn’t want to date him and I’d also talked to him about that. I was hurt because I thought he genuinely was a friend and I had opened up to him about what I was going through after my breakup, at a time when I felt like I didn’t have anyone to rely on.

Anyway, anytime I saw him in public he’d try to talk to me like as if he didn’t block me or hurt me. He and my friend ended things and now he’s been dating an acquaintance/coworker from church for over a year now. And when I see him at church events or campus events he’d also like to pretend as though we’re cool. Especially when we have mutual friends around. I find that so weird. You’ve blocked me please don’t try to pretend we’re cool now.

Guy No. 2.

My ex for a year. We broke up mutually. Sweet guy, slightly insecure. I broke up w him first but then he kept blaming me for the break up and that I broke up w him at his lowest so I caved in and tried to try again to see if the things I had complained about would change. They didn’t. We tried for almost a month. (Mind you he had been the one continuously asking for a break and I don’t believe in breaks in a relationship, it’s either it’s over or it’s not) And eventually I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said yes. I was upset for like 30 minutes to an hour and then I felt fine immediately after. Probably because I had checked out 3 months prior.

Anyway, I still care for my exes even after we break up so I would occasionally text him to check up on him. We were cordial. After we left school for winter break, I called him asked how he was and we had small talk and then he asked me if I was talking to someone and I answered and said yes I’m still determining if it’s worth a relationship though. He then asks how tall this person is. (My ex is 5’9 and the person I was talking to at the time was 6’0) I answered that I didn’t think height ever mattered in my decision to date someone and told him the height. He was like ahh well I’m happy you found someone better. And I said hmm, You’ll find someone too. We have some more small talk and end the call. An hour later I receive a semi long text from him saying he didn’t cherish me when he had me but now it’s someone else’s turn to have me and how he wish he could have been better for me and all that. I thanked him for the message and told him it was fine what’s done is done you know and that I wished him the best. Anyway I think a couple of weeks later was when I found out he had blocked me on Instagram. There’s a lot more to the story but this is the second guy who’s blocked me ever.

Also forgot to mention my ex was sometimes insecure. He would say he had dreams of me cheating. Never did the entirety of our relationship. Anytime he was around Nigerian men (my ex is black American) he would say that he wanted to fight them because they had something against him because he was black. There was no sign of that. They were chill with him and they’ve only met him once idk if he expected to be besties w them or? These men were also not my close friends at all and more like acquaintances that came to my 20th birthday parties cause we had mutual friends. They ALWAYS act like well… Nigerian men. He just took it like they hated him and trust me these men don’t gaf.

Guy No. 3

This is the 6’0 man (23 M at the time now 24M, I was 20) that I was talking to after my ex. He was incredibly sweet but also insecure. I have a separate post about why. He didn’t feel like he was worth it, not for a job and not for a relationship and that was a red flag I guess because no matter what I said, he didn’t seem to believe it. Anyway I slept with someone else while talking to him (although we had agreed we were just friends trying to get to know each other in order to date), told him immediately (all within 15 minutes) and told him that this was a big deal and he needed to leave. To me it showed that I couldn’t take him seriously and I felt like morally it wouldn’t be right to date someone I couldn’t respect in a relationship. (I respected him as a person but if I truly respected him as a potential partner or even considered him I wouldn’t have slept with someone else- the circumstances around this was stress but I don’t think stress is an excuse for cheating.)

At the time I liked him but highly doubted if I wanted to date him and I had also communicated that with him. So we end things amicably or so I believe. A week later I started dating my now fiancé/husband (we got married secretly but to everyone we’re fiancés) (I have to include the story of how we met because it’s honestly magical so I’ll include a link here) And although i had ended things w him, I don’t think he had fully gotten the hint that we had because I was still friendly and checking in and he was like are you losing interest. Due to this question I had to inform him of my present relationship because I don’t like lying. He was like okay. He sounded hurt and I assured him I’d still be there as I always had been. And that’s what I did. I’d check in occasionally but school also became a lot as I was in my Junior year of engineering and I was also going through personal financial issues that added to the stress.

Anyway we remain cool, sending each other reels and replies to each others story. It was until August 7th when I posted a birthday message for my fiancé that he unfollowed me. (I had been posting him multiple times before then, it was just a little more subtle?) this was a full blown post dedicated to my fiancé. Mind you he also had a girlfriend at the time. And he was very very friendly with one of his exes so it wasn’t because I was a past talking stage that he unfollowed me.

This was long and the grammar is all over the place but AITA for thinking that all 3 men were willing to stay friends kf they thought they’d still have a chance? The problem with this thought is that for me once it’s over it’s over. I don’t go back to people once it goes past a week💀 I’ve been rejected multiple times and still remain cordial with ALL of them. And with my high school boyfriends which I don’t really count as relationships but none of these guys were relationships except my ex. Why are they so insecure? Because to me it’s insecurity to not be able to accept that someone doesn’t want to date you and just move on without being hostile and treating them like they’re scum for wanting treat you with kindness and then pretending to be nice when in public. It’s weirdo behavior.