A while ago, I connected with a female manager/colleague at my workplace who became something of a mentor to me. We weren’t on the same team, but she was in a leadership position, and I really looked up to her. We grabbed coffee a few times, had some meaningful conversations, and eventually shared some personal details. I appreciated those moments more than I probably should have, especially considering she had a busy schedule and clearly made time for those small meet-ups.

Eventually, she became super busy and no longer had the time to meet up during work like we used to. At the time, I was struggling emotionally and didn’t take the shift well, so I tried inviting her to hang out outside of work, hoping to keep the connection going, but I think it came off as pressuring her or crossing her strict work/personal life boundary, something I didn’t fully understand then.

Immediately afterwards, she distanced herself from me and avoided crossing paths with me. After a few weeks of this, I finally saw her at the org meeting and tried sitting next to her but she then physically moved away from me and seemed distant when I tried to make conversation. I messaged her casually later to check in, and she messaged me asking not to contact her again outside of work purposes. I was devastated. A short time later, I stepped away from there.

Still feeling guilty and confused, I messaged her once more on LinkedIn, hoping to understand what went wrong and offered an apology, but she blocked me.

Here’s where I know I messed up: after being blocked, I still looked for her LinkedIn profile multiple times, and eventually she noticed my attempt and made her entire profile private. That’s when it hit me how badly I must’ve made her feel, possibly even unsafe. I feel terrible. I crossed a line, and I know it’s on me.

Now, I’m sitting with a lot of regret. I’ve thought about asking a mutual coworker to pass on an apology, but I know that would likely make things worse for her. I don’t want to invade her space anymore, I just want to learn, change, and leave her alone so she feels safe again.

I guess I’m asking: AITA for trying to seek closure? Or does the fact that I went that far make me the asshole regardless of intent? I think I know the answer, just want to submit myself to the judgment and face the guilt because I already know I'm wrong.