I(22F) am very outgoing outside..but very short-tempered when i get home for some reason. This happended when i was 14 yrs old. I was at class 9 that time and due to study reasons my father forbid me completely to go outside to play with anyone..and this continued for 5 yrs until i was at class 12. My mom never said anything. I used to feel like i was staying in prison rather than home.

I used to cry myself to sleep that time.and phone became my friend. I m embarrassed but i used to chase after boys for thay validation....idk for what. There i met a friend whom i woukd call samy. She was nice person..and i got immediately attached to her. But back to story..i dont know why but i couldn't forget that at all. I then started to notice my dad's passive comment..and how he used to call me unlucky just becuz my visa was rejected twice and i couldn't get a job...and he still find ways to make passive agressuve comments now that i m 22 and have a job. My mom always remind me when i shout back and remind me when i cross the line and that i should be more careful with words. I m not good with tones and i m not capale for understanding like everyone and sometimes use the tones i dont even realize. Like i would use sarcastic tone even when i m being non chalant.

Today i accidentally used shouting voice and i heard how bad i was for using that tone..something clicked in me..and i just wanna be away from both of them...am i the ah? .am i really the bad girl?..i have always been the child that was always forgetten that i was there. Once my family planned a trip and then later didn't take me becuz there wasn't room for me..and yet everyone went. This has happened a lot. Idk what to do..all thise years of broken friendship, chasing emotionally unavailable guys..i dont know if i am even reasonable or just overthinking.