I (20F) am currently pregnant with my first child, due in June. My fiancé (20M) and I are excited to start our family. I announced my pregnancy on Facebook on New Year’s Eve, and everything has been going well—until my biological mother reappeared in my life.

Some backstory: I’ve been no contact with my bio mom for 16 years, ever since my parents divorced. She cheated on my dad while he was deployed and brought different men around while I was still living with her. I don’t know all the specifics, but when I eventually opened up to my grandmother, I was placed into counseling for sexual assault, neglect, and CPTSD. After a while, my mom left me with my grandmother, saying she had “had enough.” She kept my younger half-siblings but left me behind when I was 4-6. I have memories of her leaving me at bars, home alone, locked in a closet, and one of her flings pointing a gun at my head for crying too loud.

When I posted my pregnancy announcement, I noticed a comment from her congratulating me, and she also sent me a friend request. My grandmother and some other relatives pressured me to accept it and give her a chance, so I did. Since then, she’s messaged me photos from my childhood—mostly pictures with my half-siblings, old artwork, and pictures that my family has posted of me from Facebook. It honestly hurt to see those because while she talks about how much she "adored" me, she still abandoned me when things got tough.

Now she says she wants to be involved as a grandmother. She frequently messages asking for updates about the pregnancy and shares things about her life. I respond sometimes, but I’m torn. My grandmother insists she’s changed after 16 years, but I see the same red flags that my father has told me about. Yes she had messaged my dad after the divorce and custody battle, we actually have compared these.

One day, she’s sweet and nostalgic. Then the next, she’s rewriting history—saying it was my dad who cheated and that he made her leave me (even claiming he was present during events when he was deployed overseas—something I’ve confirmed with my grandmother is a lie). Then she told me she had cancer, which I later verified was false through my half-siblings and her current husband (who, weirdly enough, was my dad’s military recruiter). After that, she started asking me for money.

My fiancé thinks I should go no contact again. I’ve been depressed since reengaging with her, and given that I’m considered high-risk, he believes it’s not worth the emotional toll. I agree—but now my family is saying I’m heartless and that she’s “trying,” and I should give her a chance.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I want to protect my mental health and my baby, but I also don’t want to be the villain here.

So, AITA for wanting to cut her off again—especially now that I’m starting my own family?