My (F35) husband (M37) has been self-employed for the last 8 years. During that time, I’ve worked full-time in a more traditional job to pay all of our bills while he chases his dreams. He contributes a small chunk of money once or twice a year when he makes a big sale (usually a few thousand dollars at a time).

Two years ago, he decided he wanted to trade his new-ish paid-off SUV for the newest model. We priced out cars and I told him we simply couldn’t afford it. It wasn’t in our budget. He bought it anyways and told me not to sweat it, that he’d pay for it from his business.

I reminded him that his business didn’t provide regular income and warned him that if he didn’t make enough to pay his car payment, I wouldn’t have the money to help him. He told me it was such a minimal monthly amount that it wouldn’t be an issue.

One year later, he became permanently disabled and his work (and income) came to a screeching halt. He’s been unable to generate any more money and has made excuses for not applying for disability for a year now. He’s continued to pay his car payments from saved up money in his business account, but is quickly running out.

I encouraged him to either (1) make money through his work, (2) apply for disability to help pay for his car payment, or (3) sell one of his watches (he has a good size collection, many worth thousands). Instead, he’s encouraged me to cash out my small 401k to help make ends meet.

He reasons that he didn’t choose to become disabled and would prefer to work and bring in money, but…can’t…so it’s not his fault or responsibility…that the situation actually crushes him on a daily basis. He also suggested that if the tables were turned, he wouldn’t hesitate for a minute to support me financially in any way he could and that I’m TA for not doing the same.

I feel stressed and angry that I already anticipated this and asked him not to buy the SUV in the first place and now here we are…exactly where I was worried about being.

AITA if I refuse to cash out my 401k to help pay for my husband’s car and insist he figure out his payments on his own?