I’ve (32M) been with my wife (35FM) for a decade now and for the most part we have a functional life. 3 smart kids, own our house, she’s a SAH mom, I make okay money and we make life work……but our interpersonal relationship is getting worse.

We’ve both done our fair share of stupid shit to each other over the course of our marriage but we always found our way back to making it work, but this last infraction I can’t seem to get passed.

Whenever we talk about something that should be confidential, she shares details with her close friends. This has been an issue for me over the course of our marriage. It could be anything, and I mean anything. Especially over text. She’s taken screenshots of my texts in arguments, in conversations sex (good and bad) , family and finance conversations…. There seems to be no limit to what’s been shared. I confronted her about this before, and she seemingly understood and apologized; but to my surprise, I found a screenshot of another conversation we had being sent to her friend just recently.

Once I found this out, I felt somewhat abused by it and now I shut her out completely. I approach every interaction with her now as if someone else will be reviewing it later. I refuse to be vulnerable or open. I essentially reverted to putting up a representative of my true self whenever I communicate with her. I love her to death but I don’t trust her anymore. She knows something is up, and I refuse to tell her because I know it will end up being another discussion with someone else… I don’t confide in her anymore, the romance is kind of gone, we screw every so often but it’s more animalistic. I spend more time at work and if we’re not watching something together I don’t really express much. I don’t want a divorce because that would destroy the life we built. Am I the asshole? How would you deal?