Sorry for the information dump, there's 5 years of information and feelings I'm working through that's came to a head. I(25f) am a stay at home parent and trying to change that while my partner (27m) works. This is a bit of a mess with how much happened one after another. I haven't always been a STAHM, my parents helped massively in the first couple of years raising my kid while my partner and I were attending college. He finished shortly before my dad passed away. We ended up moving to my parents property to help my mother take care of it and to prevent her from falling into any worse of a depression (she has clinical depression and wanted to make sure she wouldn't join my dad). I ended up having to drop out of college and voluntarily surrender my vehicle I was paying on at the time due to not knowing when I would have another job when we moved. I told him that when we get settled, I wanted to finish college. The only reason I was paying on a vehicle at all is because he rolled my previous one while he was driving an hour and a half everyday to work/college. It had better gas mileage than his truck so we swapped vehicles for awhile.

My partner welds, so he was able to get on with a shop pretty quickly. The field I was in, it isn't easy breaking into without a license. He was able to catch up, pay his truck off, and catch up on bills in a couple of months. I picked up a job at a parts store, caught up on my bills and wanted to pick up a second job to get my student loans paid off. I was driving my partners truck, he was driving my dad's truck due to it having better gas mileage and was driving more than I was. Unfortunately my dad wasn't the best with maintenance, so two months into driving it, something went wrong and left my partner stranded. I did tell him multiple times to at least do basic maintenance, but he said it would be fine. It was not fine, suffice to say.

After that, I was juggling our schedules and only having one truck. I had to change my lunch around enough times to be able to pick him up from work and have him drop me back off at my work that my manager was more than annoyed with it to the point I was being written up over it. My partner was getting annoyed about me being a few minutes late (I was never more than 10 minutes late and always let him know when I was on the way) picking him up from work along with not having his truck for his own lunch break. It got to the point where I was let go from my job. My partner said he would handle my bills until we could put a down payment on another vehicle but that never happened. Every time I tried to get another job, schedules were brought up and having to share the one running vehicle we have.

Unfortunately, there was a fight over my sister not taking care of her (8) cats (and only two litter boxes) and we left a little over a year later due to not wanting our kid in an unhealthy situation. We moved into his mother's and she's been incredibly accommodating, especially since my dog and hers DOES NOT get along whatsoever. Yet again, when we moved, I told him I wanted to finish college and get a job again, I hated being dependent on someone else. He said he understood, that we could look into daycare for our kid. It took me calling around for a few days before it ever came back up in conversation. Daycare in our area isn't cheap. It came out to $800 a month and he wasn't wanting to go that route anymore. So I told him don't worry about it, our kid didn't start Pre-K for another 7 months anyways. After she started Pre-K, I would look into getting a job and then finishing college. I asked MULTIPLE TIMES if he was ok with that because that meant he would have to pay for my student loan, my credit card I had at the time to build credit. He said he understood, it wasn't that much anyways (student loan and credit came out to $250 a month).

It was a CONSTANT reminder every month and it was like pulling teeth after that. He'd get paid, pay his bills and somehow forget about mine or would say he couldn't because he doubled up on his student loan/snap on payment or he wanted to try to save for a motorcycle. I had written down what I needed paid on a whiteboard - he'd say he just never looked at it anymore. I set up a google calendar with him and the once a month payment schedule, he'd say he swipes away the notification because it cluttered his notification bar. It led to multiple arguments and I eventually just quit fighting so everything went into collections. I took a massive hit to my credit. 750 down to 520 and I'm now in the process of rebuilding.

Now bear with me here, this is 5 years of information in one post - it's been 5 years of being in a relationship with him and I came to a realization the other day that I'm tired of dealing with the same thing over and over. Our kid started Pre-K and I put in job applications out like crazy. No calls, no emails, just Indeed saying that my application has been viewed before the listing is taken down. I've taken to free lance work online, but it's not anything that pays well. I enrolled into college again and I've told my partner that I start summer classes in May from 7am-2pm. I brought up that while I'm going to college, we're going to have to juggle the truck and he's going to have to pay for daycare. He said I would have to figure out what to do with our kid while he's at work and I'm at class.

For another reference, I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking for us, cleaning the house and taking care of our kid after she comes home from school. Pretty much just in the house all day and if i want to go do anything, I have to check in with him about where I'm going/how much I plan to spend. I do make him split taking care of the dogs because if I don't, he can go days without interacting with his own dog. I'm the one that pushes to bring both of our dogs if he wants to go fishing/hiking/walking. He's got a shepherd mix and I've got a Malinois, so they're not ok just being left alone. I'm always working with them and getting them out. I also make him split folding laundry. I understand he works all day, but that doesn't mean he can't help clean up after himself either or help out on the weekends instead of just watching TV or playing games all weekend.

It all came to a head for me this morning. I've asked for weeks now to just be able to take him to work and just go out by myself for my birthday. No dinner, nothing fancy, just wanted to spend a good weather day by myself where I'm not cleaning the house or having to clean up after another person. Just a day where I can go out and enjoy the weather since it's supposed to be a good day. It's not like I sprung it up on him last minute either. I've given up on anything romantic from him regarding birthdays, anniversaries or holidays. He's even said himself he just doesn't care about any of it. I woke up with his alarm, and as soon as I started getting dressed he was asking if I was serious about taking him to work. I said yes, I just wanted to spend the day going out with my dog and not stressing about anything for a change. He started in about not having his truck for lunch, he didn't want to juggle with the truck and time to pick him up, and I just lost it a bit. Said fine, it doesn't really matter anyways and went back to bed. He didn't do or say anything else, just went to work like normal. I feel guilty about being snappy, especially since I get irritated super easily over having to ask him to help out with chores repeatedly or much of anything that deals with him lately. I'm tired of having to call his name to get him to respond to our kid when she's asking him a question multiple times, of having to remind him of bills and chorse. And I'm especially tired of getting him up and moving to do anything because he finds it amusing to irritate me and taking literal hours to get around to go out on a walk/go anywhere other than the house. I understand that working from 6am-4pm is a long day, but I've began to hate having anything to do with him if he doesn't engage first these days.

AITAH for feeling like I'm done with everything involving him and feeling burned out?