I 31f have been dating a guy 34m for just over two months and we started having sex about a month ago. We’ve had sex 3 times and I noticed each time he wouldn’t perform oral on me. I plucked up the courage on the last time to ask why that is out of genuine curiosity to which he answered ‘I’m religious/reserving that for my wife’.

A few bits of context to flesh out the story: - I had given him head on two separate occasions (which he didn’t protest) before asking him this question.

• Before we started having sex I asked him to do a full STI test. I came over one day and he started to initiate sex. I asked him if he had done the test and he was like “no but I have it here (it was a home kit) and i promise I’ll do it don’t you trust me”. He did the test In front of me and promised he’d send it off to the lab the next day. We ended up having sex that night after quite a lot of pressure from him. I didn’t enjoy it and felt stupid for not upholding my boundaries. I also felt panicked about the truth of his STI status. it was the only thing I’d put my foot down about and it had fallen through. It was consensual but I felt a bit violated. He did eventually return me clean results

• when he returned the clean test results I got on the pill and we had condomless sex. he finished inside me (at his request) multiple times the second and third time we had sex

• I haven’t climaxed once in the bedroom with him as of yet, he has multiple times

• he has been my only sexual partner, I didn’t share this with him at first but I did tell him after. He did know I was very inexperienced but I didn’t go into specific detail about number of partners

I found it quite jarring to hear him talk about reserving oral for his ‘wife’ because he let me give him oral twice knowing that was his stance. I feel like I’ve been quite trusting and done very intimate things with him and, while he’s free to make any choice he wants regarding the kind of sex he wants to give, it makes me question how he views me. It’s made me feel a bit used and foolish to be honest, especially considering how he didn’t return clean results before our first time together and I’d stressed for weeks how important that was to me.

I’ve told him moving forward I won’t be performing oral anymore which he protested, and that there will be no more condomless sex to which he responded that I’m playing tit for tat and that his choice is to do with him being ‘religious’ so it’s different. I’m starting to feel like I don’t even want to have sex with him again while I mull this over to be honest.

I do like him but he makes me feel like a tool that exists for his pleasure in the bedroom. It’s sad because we otherwise get on quite well but I feel like this has kind of put a timer on the relationship. I’m not reaching orgasm, there’s barely any foreplay, my boundaries have been played with while he’s had his cake and ate it too.

Am I the asshole for feeling upset and withdrawing from sex with him completely after this