I’m in a bit of a dilemma with a close friend and I’d love to hear your thoughts on whether I’m being unreasonable or not.

I often have deep conversations with this friend, but I’ve noticed something that’s been bothering me for a while: when I share a thought or a perspective, he often responds in a way that feels dismissive — not just verbally, but also nonverbally. For example, he might say “yeah…” in a flat or doubtful tone, raise an eyebrow, slightly smirk, or look away like what I just said was stupid or irrelevant. It makes me feel like my opinion isn’t valid or worthy of discussion.

So, I decided to bring it up. I told him calmly that I sometimes felt like my point of view was being brushed off or not taken seriously. I even acknowledged that I might be more sensitive to that kind of reaction because of past experiences (with teachers, family, friends) where I was made to feel dumb for expressing myself. But I’ve worked on myself and made conscious efforts to not take things personally. I just asked if he could slightly adjust his communication style — not to censor himself or agree with me, but just to respond with more openness. Like instead of using a tone that sounds like subtle disapproval, maybe say something like: “That’s an interesting point, I see it differently though...” or “I get what you’re saying, personally I think...”

His response? He said that no one has ever reproached him for this before and that the issue is probably just in my perception. That kind of hurt, because I wasn’t attacking him, I was just trying to express a boundary in a respectful way. I also told him I knew it wasn’t his intention to make me feel bad — I just wanted to feel like the space between us was safe and respectful for both of us to share ideas.

Later, he brought up that sometimes when I ask him a lot of questions, he finds it invasive and it annoys him — and that this might explain why he can sometimes be short or blunt with me. I told him I understood, and I respected his right to express that. But I also felt like he brought that up as a way to deflect from what I had shared, as if to say “you do stuff that bothers me too” instead of really hearing me out.

He only really seemed to take me seriously when I said I was reaching a point where I felt emotionally exhausted and might have to take distance from the friendship if things didn’t change. After that, he asked me, “When do you think I’ll be able to change 100%?” — which felt strange. I told him that there’s no timeline, and I don’t expect perfection, just some awareness and willingness to try.

So… AITAH for asking a friend to slightly adjust his tone, body language, and way of expressing disagreement because it feels invalidating to me — even if I know he doesn’t mean harm? Or am I being too sensitive and trying to make my discomfort his problem?