My husband and I had a blowout fight because I asked him to close a drawer.

For context, we moved in together only about 6 months ago. I have a pretty high need for things to be in “order” in my home for me to feel relaxed. This just means that I tidy things up a lot, wipe down surfaces, put things away, etc. My husband doesn’t care about this stuff as much, and that doesn’t bother me because he’s made a real effort since we moved in. I have to preface this by saying that my husband is NOT one of those guys that doesn’t do shit around the house and then gaslights me when I ask him to do things. He’s a very good partner who cooks dinner almost every night, vacuums, and does his share of cleaning. There are times when he cleans more than me. But there are a few things I’ve asked him to do repeatedly since we moved in that just don’t seem to stick. They are simple things like leaving clothes on the floor, not shutting drawers after opening them (hence the argument), not putting things away after taking them out to use them, putting stuff in the fridge without properly sealing it, not putting shoes on the shoe rack…etc. Listing them like this, it sounds ridiculous because they are really small things. But unfortunately I do care about them and I’m having a hard time understanding why someone would find them so hard to do.

The problem is that now, every time I ask for something to be done, he gets really angry and tells me I ask for too much and I’m too critical. This morning, I asked him nicely to please remember to shut his drawers in the bedroom and he got really angry and raised his voice. He’ll then tell me that there are things I don’t do in the house, but he never asks me about those things or seems to care about them until I’ve asked him to do something and he needs a rebuttal. I’ve repeatedly said that if there are things he wants me to do more to please just ask me, but I can’t know what they are if he won’t communicate with me. Generally, I am a very clean person, but I know not everyone’s perfect.

I’m in this endless loop now where I’m stuck between being super annoyed that an adult person can’t just decide one day to pick up their clothes and then do it every single day after that (like I have been since I was…10?), and feeling like maybe I AM being overly critical and I need to just let him do his best and settle into living together and try to focus more on the bigger picture (that he is a highly contributing partner) rather than the small things. I think it’s just the fact that I’ve asked so many times on some of these things that bothers me and that’s why I keep asking. Idk, am I the ahole? Should I just let the little stuff go and let him exist? Or is he the ahole for not responding better when I ask him to do things?