I (16F) have a long, painful history with my older ex sister (20F) (possible NPD/HPD diagnosed BPD), and I need to know if I’m really overreacting.

Growing up, my sister emotionally and verbally abused me for years. She was popular and praised by everyone outside especially at school, but at home, she was cruel. She constantly mocked me, body-shamed me, and insulted my appearance especially my nose, skin tone, and hair (we are both biracial but she struggles with internalised racism/colorism and projects it on me). When I was a child with looser curls, she bullied me for them. When puberty made them tighter, suddenly she approved. She always found ways to remind me I was less. She would target me obsessively, making fun of the most oddly specific things, my eyes, my nose, my fingers, my hands, my body shape and she would fixate on them obsessively and use it as a tool to humiliate me in front of others OBSESSIVELY.

There were times she was physically aggressive too. I still remember one specific day when I was about 10—we were at a birthday party and she tried to force-feed me her entire plate of food, screaming at me to finish it even though my stomach hurt and I was crying and I had finished my plate. I am pescatarian and she coerced me into eating chicken, knowing that I couldn't. I was so scared, and no one could hear me. She threatened to humiliate me if I spoke up. It sounds silly written out, but the way she did it was sadistic to experience.

She once blocked the door and screamed at me for almost 30 minutes while I cried and shook in front of her because I accidentally knocked over a calendar in her room. I tried to leave but she wouldn't let me. I was screaming for our housekeeper to help, but she was too scared to intervene because of how aggressive my sister was. Another time on vacation, she stayed up talking to her friend with the light on until the next day, refusing to turn off the light or stop talking so that I could sleep. When I asked her to she yelled at me and made me leave, I almost slept in the hallway of the hotel because I couldn't get a hold of my parents in the extremely early morning (2-4am ish).

She would make fun of me for praying when she converted to muslim at 17 years of age. She said she wanted to colonize India and “get rid of Hindus.” When I told her I wouldn’t carry her bag in public once, she screamed at me in front of strangers. On most of my birthdays, she ignored me completely except one time when she wrote on a scrap of paper and left me a bar of soap.

She would constantly rapidly shift her identity every two years going from being African, to very dark goth, to baddie partying doing hard drugs and failing school, and now she is muslim and got married off at 18 years old and has completely shifted her lifestyle.

She also used to abuse our dog—calling it ugly, hitting it, and refusing to feed it when she had the chance. The dog was visibly afraid of her.

At school, she ran smear campaigns against me, started rumors, and tried to turn her friends against me, she would do the same with cousins or family friends. She called me a prostitute even when I wore full on sweats, and would s x ualise me from a young age saying I would become a p star as young as when I was 9 years old. She made sure to tear down any confidence I had. She even recorded a video of our mum playing my singing and laughed at it to my face.

I could go on forever. But the point is: she destroyed my self-worth and did things like this over and over and over. And she’s never apologized properly—just once gave a fake “I’m sorry if I ever upset you” and bought me a soda and earrings. That’s it, that's literally it.

Now to the present: My mum is aware that my sister abused me and about the some of the specific things she did but refuses to call it abuse and did little to intervene or support me growing up, she still invites my ex sister into the home even though she is now 20 years old living with a muslim man she met online at 18 yrs old and talked to for 6 months before getting married and moving in with him and has a perfectly comfortable place to stay. I told her that it makes me uncomfortable that she lets her stay with us but she says that it is not fair to not welcome her into our home and says that she has "changed".