I (46F) have a daughter Stella (20F) from my first marriage to Hank, husband #1 (53M). I'm proud of Stella, who she is, and her accomplishments, one of which is graduating university this year. Stella wants me to be at her graduation ceremony (which I'm thrilled to do!) But she specifically doesn't want my husband #3, Mark (31M) to attend. She reasons it's because Hank and his parents will be there. She knows my marriage to Hank was a traumatic one (she doesn't know all the details, but she did witness 1 egregious incident when she was 13) and therefore I'm not comfortable being around him, unless I have someone with me for support. She reasoned that my husband #2, Randy (59M) and his family were invited, so they could go that for me. That is true: Randy and I are still good friends, we care about each other, I love his family and vice versa, they've embraced Mark, we're even having joint Thanksgivings and Christmases, it's all very chill among these 2 families. But it still feels like a slap in the face that my spouse is excluded. Yes, there's an age gap between Mark and me, but it's not glaringly obvious in real life. There's also a class difference, as everybody else involved is middle class, and Mark is from a working class background and the only one without a college education. But he's not coarse by any means, he's intelligent and self-aware, and he can fit in very well, as evidenced by Randy's family embracing him. Mark and I have been married for 2 years, together for 4, so it's not a brand-new relationship. He's never assumed a stepfather role with Stella, since it would have been ludicrous, given their ages, and that she was on the brink of adulthood when we got together. Nevertheless, they get along, communicate well, and help each other out when needed. As far as I know, nothing negative or untoward has happened. Stella was fine with Mark's presence when him and I were initially involved, but as our relationship progressed, she had made clear her disapproval: in her words, I was "wasting my potential" with someone like him. Mark had a history of addiction, but he was sober when we met. While he did a setback in his sobriety due to an accident that had left him physically disabled and in constant pain, he was able to come through it and has now been sober for almost 2 years. He's never been harsh towards me. He does things every day to make my life better, even in small ways. We love each other very much, even if we're not a PDA couple (other than a quick hug here and there). So it does sting to have Mark excluded from this major milestone in my family's life, while Hank and Randy are included. Ok, maybe it's weird to have 3 of my partners over the course of my life there. But isn't it more weird for me to be there without my actual husband of 2 years? AITAH for feeling like Stella should make room for Mark?