I will preface this post by saying that it is my first Reddit post and I am asking for genuine feedback. I will try my hardest to make this easy to follow along to.

Hello, I am (26f) and my ex friend is a year and a half younger being (24f) and I will call her C. To start I will say that both of us have been diagnosed with our own mental health problems. I will not disclose C’s for her personal privacy, but I have been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Episodes, Anxiety, and OCD. (This will be relevant later, I don’t like sharing too much about myself but these things are important to the story)

We have both known each other since freshman year of highschool and have always gotten along. After I graduated first, I moved states away for college and to spend time with my dad who lived there. We kept in contact even tho she started to become more distant. At this point in life, she was much more into parties with her friends and the fun around her (I don’t blame her it was her senior year). Where I was usually more interested in reading, hiking, and gaming occasionally between college. No problems here still, we still talked often and kept updated.

Eventually I moved back to the state we went to highschool in and that’s when it started to fall apart. I missed my friends and family so I moved back and started planning to get an apartment with my fiancé at the time and C. We eventually find an apartment through a family friend of mine and things are ok for awhile. Everyone gets along well, but C gets a new boyfriend and starts spending less and less time at the house (not the problem). After awhile of not seeing C, I assumed she had started staying over at her boyfriends. And eventually she ended up doing that. I’ll say that I did get awful vibes from that man C dated but I told her multiple times that I wasn’t comfortable around him and didn’t like the way he treated her, but it always fell on deaf ears.

Soon after, C officially moved in with him and she cut me off because he told her I was a “bad influence for doing drugs” (marijuana). Not going to lie, having C choose and trust him over me really hurt. Especially since up until that point I had always and 100% been on her side for the good, bad , and ugly. What ended up hurting more though, was learning that she told people I knew she was being abused and abandoned her. C had told me about the verbal fights with him but never that he had raised a hand to her. (That was new knowledge to me when we rekindled our friendship later. )

Since then I have blocked C on two separate occasions other than the most recent. The first was when C got back together with her abusive ex that hates me. (Which I learned about the abuse later like I said). The second (abusive ex gone at this point) was when I tried to set boundaries with C and she started getting upset and being verbally aggressive, name calling, bringing up my current homeless and joblessness and telling me it’s my fault. So I warned her several times that if she kept blowing up my phone with hate I was going to have to block her, but I’d be willing to talk to her later. The messages kept rolling in so I blocked C and went the next several months wondering if I was in the wrong for how I reacted.

Now we are almost caught up to present. I realize at this point I may have many people thinking “why on earth would you unblock C after she said all that presumably awful stuff to you?” And here’s why. C is like the little sister/sibling I always wanted, someone I can protect and give advice that I know will do the same for me, or she used to be that for me. Having moved every couple years growing up it was hard to keep close friends that didn’t end up forgetting about you when you moved. (That’s just life) and she was one of the few that always kept in contact.

So here I am, about a year of not talking to C and I have hit an all time low of record highs for me. My physical health drastically starts dipping and no doctor is able to give me any sort of answers. At this point I’m worried if I’m seriously ill and want to talk to my friend so I finally reach out to C. We make amends and before starting to repair and heal the friendship, I tell her about my physical and mental state. “I’m not in a mentally or physically good place. I’m losing weight, no appetite, bleeding everyday, and in so much pain I don’t want to be here right now. So if this is too much for you, please tell me in advance so I don’t burden you with it and hurt myself trying to rekindle this. I need a friend to lean on and talk to, is that ok?” And C agreed. (To add: I have not been able to hold a job while I’ve been going through any of these health complications, and that has had a major toll on my mental health)

Over the next couple months we have a couple of arguments but end with resolutions and healthy discussion. But then I start noticing her pull away from conversations more and stop talking to me as much or just isn’t in the mood. Which I can understand, I’m not unreasonable. But I tried to bring up maybe talking on the phone once a week or whenever C was free or bored not doing anything because I missed talking to her and wanted to start doing that again. C then started listing all the reasons she couldn’t see me, talk to me. This had started to be a constant when I asked or told C about how I was feeling. She seemed to take offense that I wasn’t appreciated the small effort she was applying. Which had dwindled down to exactly 1-2 texts a day (if I was lucky) simply asking if I was doing alright, acknowledging my response then ghosting me till the next time.

When I brought all this up and how it was making me feel and just the steps that I’d like to try and make things better, it just made C more upset. What really sent me over the edge to block her for good this last time was her taking our stuff public in a petty way on FB with a positive mental health post about green flags I had posted earlier that day. Especially since C knows how much I hate my personal life being public.

I can make any clarifications if it confuses anyone at all. But am I the asshole in all this? My mental and physical health have become my top priority, has it clouded my judgement? Side note: For anyone worried about my health, I have some answers but still nothing definitive. I am still going to doctors to figure it out.