I (f25) was with my ex (f27) for 2 years, over those two years we had a really good relationship. She was always so sweet to me, and she was my first “out” relationship. We got very serious really fast, as she was in a very unsafe and toxic environment because she lived with her brother and I figured we could both save money with her moving in. So she moved in, part of the deal was that she would get her license within 6 months of living with me and she would save up for a car in the meantime.

So she moved in, and everything was going really good. I have a decent paying job, I’m a cna And she was working in a hospitals cafeteria. She wanted to go to culinary school which I whole heartedly supported. Throughout the next year she moved jobs twice. One of them was about 35 minutes away, I would drop her off and then also pick her up as I worked night shift and uber was waaaay too expensive. Then after about 6 months there I convinced her to apply for this hospital that’s 5 minutes from where we live, she got in and it was so exciting. Took a load off of us. But the 6 months had passed and she hadn’t even got her temps yet to try to start getting her license.

I’d always try to communicate with her about my frustration, I felt like I was a taxi half the time. But she was a crier, so everytime I’d try to talk about things that made me upset she would cry, and I’d feel bad. So I stopped trying.

So a few months went by and I changed the facility I was working at. I was making more money! Plus I was picking up so many extra hours. Then we hit the last couple of months.

I was always picking up, so I was always tired. I’d work 12-16 hour shifts 2-4 times a week. I wanted to start saving, and make sure our bills were ahead( I’m trying to pay off my car) but her paychecks kept coming late or not being the normal amount. I took care of all the bills because I was more responsible. So she would just send me the money for her part of the bills. Over a couple weeks it went from “oh I didn’t make what my paycheck was supposed to be, I need to talk to HR about how they’re missing my hours” to “I still don’t have my paycheck” it happened over and over for months. I was using my entire paycheck to pay the entirety of our bills and still some of them got behind. And she was completely unconcerned with our phones being turned off or my car payment getting behind, there was a couple months where I didn’t even have car insurance.

That continued for about 3 months before I started trying to talk to her about it again, and once again anytime I brought it up.. she would cry and start self depreciating. So I’d get frustrated and try to not stress her out. The entire time I felt like I was drowning, I stopped letting her get close to me, I didn’t even wanna sit close to her. I was always tired because I started picking up even MORE shifts. I was exhausted.

The last mont of our relationship we were about to get our phones shut off and I paid our bill because she was sure she was getting her paycheck so I paid the phone bill and she was gonna cover half of rent. Well she “gets” her paycheck and then tells me her bank account got hacked and that someone from California took $800 out of her account. I believed her at first because I’ve had something like that happen and I was trying to tell her we could talk to the bank together. She WOULDNT let me on the phone with her and her bank. She kept telling me that she “has it handled and doesn’t need me” which frustrated me because she wasn’t telling me anything about what was going on.

I was stressed because we can’t be late for rent, her suggestion was to message MY mom and ask for almost $500. I was livid, I don’t even ask my mom for money. So my mom called me and said that the whole thing sounded sketchy basically. But she did help me out since she heard from me about how we were struggling.

So 2 weeks go by and she’s waiting for her bank to pay her back for the money lost because apparently that’s a thing they do? I don’t know about that anymore because they didn’t when it happened to me. But I believed her, because I wanted to hope for the best. So her payday passes and she doesn’t talk about getting her paycheck from her job, so after the weekend I asked her what was going on. She says that she never got paid. So that’s a month straight where she has no money? I wasn’t too worried because of course her payday is late sometimes. But then it gets to the next weekend, and she hasn’t said anything.

I bring it up and she yells at me saying that she’s getting it figured out. I broke down, I was stressed and tired, I hadn’t had a day off work in a month at that point. I’m not a crier, but I started crying. I told her that her moving in was supposed to make things easier for us both not harder. She acted like she understood.. but I don’t think she did.

She kept telling me that there were a certain few people in the hospital she worked at who hadn’t got paid and that it was just an entire hospital thing. But I really didn’t believe her at that point. She was too defensive about the money from the previous pay and from that one. So I was upset at that point and I told her we needed a break. She went for one night to her friends house and I finally had a day off. I sat with my friends and talked about it and they brought up how she had been going to the grocery store, and I realized that she never got a new card from her bank. That’s usually one of the first things that happen when you get hacked.

So that night she’s texting me about the problems, and she basically tells me that she feels like I don’t trust her. I tell her straight out that I honestly didn’t. The only time she could ever have an adult conversation was over text, and I kept telling her we needed to talk in person but she would just not stop. Multiple times I told her to wait until she was home so we could talk about it and every time she would send long texts about how we needed to talk about it right then. She wanted to brush it under the rug.

That’s where I said that something wasn’t right. Things spiraled from there. Over text I was very respectful while she was verbally attacking me. Asking me “are we really f-ing fighting about money? You’re gonna break up with me over a few f-ing dollars?” Then she started telling me “you’re not the only one stressed, I’m so anxious I’m throwing up” just over and over trying to make me feel bad. But I was fed up, I think part of me realized I was over the relationship.

It eventually got to me telling her that I’m not happy and I haven’t been in a while. I told her that she only seemed to think about how she felt with everything, giving no consideration to how i felt in any of it. And she continued to talk about how SHE felt. She was trying to avoid the problem and it was incredibly obvious. I told her that I don’t trust her.

She was still at her friends house at this point and I was done. I told her I was done talking and that we would talk when she came home. She started begging me not to break up with her. And I ignored her and went to bed. I went to work and then after I came home she was sitting in the living room holding a letter she wrote to me. Basically the letter said the same things she had already said over text. I read it and looked at her, I told her that I’m not happy. That I’ve grown to resent her for making things hard on me and not caring about my feelings. She started to cry of course, and started begging me not to break up with her. She told me that if I broke up with her that she didn’t have anywhere to go.

I told her that I don’t stay in relationships where I can’t trust you, where I can barely stand to be around you. To which she started to accuse me of cheating. Of course I wasn’t, and she knew that because we had life 360🙄 she knew I was always working. But I broke up with her and told her I’m not forcing her to leave right then. I understand she needed time to figure out where to go.

Within 3 days she moved back into the toxic situation she was in when we met. She’s told everyone that we broke up over money and that she thinks I was cheating, which if she wants to believe then okay fine. But, AITAH for breaking up with her with the main reason being money?