For context, my (32M) husband and I (32F) met at a time where we both were extremely into health and fitness. We were in the best shape of our lives. Essentially it’s why we clicked so well and got along easily. Fast forward to my pregnancy where I became a little lax with my fitness routine and gained more weight than I liked. He followed suit and pretty much stopped working out. After I gave birth I maintained my weight until about 8 months postpartum where I decided I didn’t like who I became and started exercising and eating healthy again. My husband tried to follow me in my steps but was really inconsistent and so his weight just fluctuated a bunch and he eventually gave up. I do want to add in that he worked a very exhausting job at the time so I know that played a part in his failure to lose weight initially.

That summer we made the decision to buy a house and stop renting so we could give our daughter a stable home. I was a full time mom and quit my job as a realtor while my husband continued to work as he had a very expensive truck payment he needed to manage on his own. I agreed to pay the down payment ($50k) on the home with the funds from the estate my deceased father left me. My husbands credit wasn’t great so in order to make the mortgage work we had to put down a larger down payment, and since my husband had no savings he didn’t pinch in a penny.

Our agreement was he would pay the mortgage by himself through an account he would solely manage to become more responsible with money, as I essentially “paid the mortgage upfront” for two years. Happily in our new home he said, probably for the 10th time at this point that he was seriously going to get into shape and get healthy. At this point I was 10 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight and was feeling amazing, however, it dawned on me that I was not feeling very physically attracted to my husband anymore due to his weight gain and lack of consistency to lose it. We were maybe having sex once or twice a month and even then I couldn’t orgasm because I wasn’t into it. I masturbated behind his back to finish the job a few times.

At some point later I thought I remembered him saying he had access to MY personal savings, which I did not like so I asked to see his bank account. I happened to peek into the mortgage account because the funds were kinda low (we were putting extra in every week to create an emergency mortgage fund for a bad paycheck month) and I found transactions from just about every day at gas stations, fast food joints, bagel shops etc. I was in absolute shock and so infuriated that he was using the mortgage money to feed his junk food habit even though we spent hundreds of dollars each week so he could “meal prep” healthy meals. It dawned on me by that point that the reason he couldn’t lose weight wasn’t because his job, it’s because he was secretly eating out every single day, multiple times a day.

I know now that it’s not just a lack of physical attraction but mental…I am not attracted to the irresponsible person my husband is and his selfish ways. He has spent $1700 in 7 months from the mortgage account on food and we were $800 short on the mortgage that was due in a week. He had to pull money from his 401k to get us through the week and pay the mortgage. Mind you he never apologized for what he did but got rather defensive and blamed on how rude I had become about his physical appearance. I explained that I am the way that I am (responsible and looking heavily into my health) for our daughter. So that she has parents to call and doesn’t have to attend our funerals anytime soon, or that she will have money if something were to happen to us! I had asked him so many times to change his ways if not for himself but for her, but I had no idea just exactly how careless he was being.

I’m not in love with him anymore, but we are still together with the hopes he will change (he swore on our daughter this time he would change).

Im not attracted to him physically emotionally or mentally. I crave to be touched but not by him…I’ve masturbated at the thought of other men touching me and honestly, I didn’t feel bad about it. I’ve lost any emotions or trust I had in him.

AITAH for thinking about other men?