Sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, and the story is a tad long.

I (F27) have been in no contact with my parents since December 24, 2023, and just like it says in the title, I will be having surgery tomorrow and have not told anyone in my family.

Today, talking to my friend, she asked if I had told them yet about the procedure, and after answering her, she said that I was the asshole for not letting them know this is happening, so I want to get some other people’s perspective on this.

For background:

About 11-12 years ago, my mom married my stepdad. He is originally from the US, so my siblings (10 years younger than me), my mom, and I ended up moving to the US.

I ended up attending my last 3 years of high school in here. When I was 17 and about to be a senior, my parents encouraged me to look up into colleges that offered the degree I was interested in and said they would be paying for it. I know not a lot of people get to have that, but my mom made a promise to never have her kids go through working to pay tuition and studying at the same time, since she had to do that herself.

Not being used to the cold weather, I started looking up at universities in California. My parents used to travel a lot and visit frequently (among other places). They started thinking of purchasing a home there, so they let me schedule college tours, and we went to visit the 4 universities in my list.

When I was finishing my senior year, I applied to all the universities and managed to get some scholarships. I got accepted in 2 of the 4 universities, but when that happened, my parents told me I could not go because it was too expensive. I applied to a local university that had the best program for my degree, and when I got accepted, my stepdad completely refused it, saying it was still too much money and I should look at community colleges.

Discouraged, disappointed, and running out of time to apply for college, I was able to get into one not far from home and graduated in 2020.

Time-jump to 2023:

After being a legal permanent resident for 9 years and being over the age of 18, I had the option to renew my residency or apply for citizenship, to which I decided to apply for citizenship.

I had done some research, and when you get your citizenship, you can also change your name if you choose to. I wanted to get rid of my birth father’s last name (long story, but he was a child abuser, and my siblings and I want nothing to do with him). Even though my stepdad was a father figure for the entire time since I came to the US, he has never mentioned anything regarding adopting us or wanting us to legally change our last name to his, so I was having conversations for months about creating a new last name for my siblings and me, a new name that was not associated with our birth father’s family, and a name that could start our own family name.

Christmas Eve 2023:

My siblings were starting to work their first jobs while being high schoolers. One of my siblings was anxious and very worried because they (having a 4.9 GPA) were getting invited by universities to attend summer camps they offered, where they would live on campus for 2 weeks attending some programs and exploring the university, but they were worried because they needed to save money for college and they could not pay for college or save for it if they would be gone during spring break instead of working.

My stepdad said they should not miss that opportunity, which I agreed to, but my sibling said that they weren’t in the same situation that their friends were in (they said their friends are not worried in the least because their parents will pay for college and would comment about how much money their parents made). My dad said they shouldn’t have to worry about that because they were millionaires and they would be able to go to any college they wanted, he even told us how much money they had in their bank. (Which was higher than I expected)

When he said that, I was so pissed off because they said the same to me, all to crush my dreams and even turn down my backup college choice, which was local. I didn’t even know they had that sort of money. I moved out when I was 19 and had lived paycheck to paycheck, getting some help for groceries and gas money from them.

I struggled finding a job in my field for 2 years after I graduated college. Overall, I felt like I could have had a better chance of landing a job in my field if I had gone to any of those other universities.

After that dinner conversation and before Christmas, I left the house and have not spoken to them since. (No, I didn’t open any presents in case you were wondering.)

I chose to be no contact because I can and have been responsible for myself, and I don’t want anything from them anymore.

After 3 months of no contact, they didn’t even try to reach out or call me, so I decided to move on.

In February of 2024, I got my citizenship and changed my last name. After letting my siblings know about it, I received a text from one of my siblings saying that my mom was so upset I didn’t take my stepdad’s last name and apparently, it started an argument with his family and them. I decided to ignore it. At this point, I haven’t gotten any sort of communication from either of them except for random invites to trips, family gatherings, and other events. (I never respond or attend any.)

Present:

For 6 months, I started having health issues, having to go to the ER twice, being misdiagnosed with different conditions, having more medical tests, and many more medical bills. Later, they determined I needed to have surgery to get my gallbladder out ASAP. I also need more testing afterwards since my liver and pancreas have been affected by it.

Surgery is tomorrow, so AITAH for not wanting to let them know about it and wanting to keep being no contact with them?