I (F19) have never been close with my extended family. There weren’t any major issues, but whenever we reached out, they didn’t put in effort, and that lack of reciprocity kept things distant.

But a few years ago, something happened that created a permanent rift. I know now that I will never speak to them again.

In 2020, my grandpa (dad’s side) was diagnosed with lung cancer after years of smoking, factory work, and COVID exposure. He moved in with us for four months during treatment. For safety reasons, my mom, brother, and I stayed elsewhere, while my dad stayed and took care of him. They weren’t close before, but during that time, they bonded deeply and repaired their relationship. It was really beautiful to hear about. After those months, my grandpa moved in with my aunt (we’ll call her Bee).

That’s when things went downhill. Bee made a Facebook post about my grandpa, and my cousin (my mom’s niece, who had never met him) commented that my dad only took care of him “for the inheritance.” My grandpa passed away only a couple days later—and that might’ve been one of the last things he heard about his son. I’ll never speak to that cousin again.

Bee then tried to manipulate my grandpa into changing his will, even though she knew the comment my cousin made was false. She managed to get a larger share of the inheritance by painting my dad as greedy. That’s when we stopped talking to her.

Then, about a year ago, my dad suddenly died of a heart attack. It was the worst day of my life. My mom, brother, and I were in a small hospital room when the nurse gave us the news. It didn’t feel real. We hadn’t even seen him yet when we called Bee—his only remaining family—to let her know. We were still in shock.

She started crying on the phone… and then the very first thing she said was, “Does he have a will?” No asking what happened. No concern for us. Just the will.

For context, my family was living paycheck to paycheck. Bee and her husband were making $200k a year. And then, weeks later, we got a letter: someone had tried to claim my dad’s life insurance—the money we needed to live off of after having just lost our father and provider. It was my aunt. We blocked her on everything. It took two or three months, but eventually, we were able to claim the insurance and it kept us afloat.

Fast forward to June—my dad’s celebration of life. The invite was public so anyone who wanted to could attend, and Bee showed up (despite being blocked on all of our social media’s). She made it about herself, gave a speech about how she and my dad never had a good relationship (I wonder why), talked about how my dad was a “bully” growing up (basically just saying mean things about him at HIS CELEBRATION OF LIFE), argued with my mom, and stirred up drama. Then she quietly disappeared into the background until the celebration concluded.

That was the last time I saw or heard from her. And I plan to keep it that way.

I feel bad because her sons and husband are quite nice but I am not willing to have a relationship with any of them after what she did to my family.

So… am I the asshole for cutting off my extended family?