Hi, everyone! Long story short, my mom has been seeing someone behind my stepdad's back for over a year, to my knowledge.

Once I found out over a year ago, I called my stepdad and told him what I accidentally saw on her phone while we were on a trip together, and he said he had similar suspicions. I am an adult and do not live with them, so I was not aware of her change in behavior. When he told me that she was hiding her phone, changed her phone password, and would get her hair done always right before going out of town, I recognized these behaviors from when she was cheating on my dad when I was 13.

I've always had a strong sense of justice and a strong conscience, and I unfortunately could not tell my dad when I was 13, as him and my mom would get into verbal fights, and he would drink often. For the sake of my living arrangements, I made a choice to keep quiet, and that's something I've regretted ever since.

However, I'm not a scared little kid anymore. I'm an adult, and I try to be someone I can look at in the mirror when all is said and done. Ultimately, my stepdad told me that he couldn't confront her again for her suspected infidelity because she would turn it back on him and demand how he got that information. My stepdad is a great guy and never wanted to "get in between us," so he would always let it go.

This was not an easy decision to make, but I felt there was no use in telling him any of this unless he could do something about it. To be clear, he works 60+ hour weeks, and they live off his income. Everything she makes is savings for her. The only way I could absolve my conscience is if I told my mother that I told my stepdad everything. Then, the rest would be up to him as far as what he wanted to do, as the ball would be in his court.

To be clear, I don't regret telling my stepdad anything. Rather, I feel I permanently damaged my relationship with my mother by telling her that I told my stepdad everything. She feels I betrayed her trust, which I honestly did since she suspected I didn't know a thing. At this time, she refuses to have a "mother-daughter" relationship with me and prefers to have a more superficial relationship where nothing personal is discussed. I am upset because she makes it seem like I invaded her privacy when she was just being sloppy, and messages on her phone emerged when she was showing something to me on her phone. At the same time, I don't really talk to my stepdad much either, and both are keeping me at arm's length, it seems.

Throughout all of this, my stepdad seemed very appreciative that I'd tell him this, and he warned me about what my mom would do if I confronted her. Ultimately, he was right, but I can't have a relationship built on lies.

For the sake of brevity, I had to omit some details, so please ask if you have any questions or if anything is unclear. I'll try to answer without giving away identifying info. I'm just looking for advice because I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but there's just been so much blowback. Other than my spouse, I don't feel I have any close family that I can turn to. I just feel so alone. Maybe advice from random strangers on Reddit will help.

I'm looking to start a family soon, and the prospect of not having my mom as a grandmotherly source of love to my kids is heartbreaking.