This is going to ba rant session for everything i have been facing from the past 4 years. My elder sister - had traumatic childhood( others were hostile towards her) they were hostile towards both of us but less towards me cuz i was a cute pretty girl child, its not that she was not pretty( she is really pretty by the way). Getting straight ot the point. 1. Our mother always loved me more and father loved her more. So both of us were deprived of love of one of our parents. Only time my father would look at me and smile used to be parents teachers meetings( i was among top 3 always). Later my mother explained him my feeling of being deprived of love, he understood and now loves both of us equally. But my mother didn't improve and is still a little biased towards me. 2. From the past 3-4 years we havebeen discussing about the biasness of our parents and have mutual understandings on the topic. But whenever my sister gets angry even on little thing of null significance( ex- i ask her for a favour and she lectures me for my ungratefullness i possessed since childhood. Ex- i was nerd, had no friends, so she helped me with my difficult assignments of drawings. ) its not like i am ungreatfull, i fully recognise her efforts and have accepted it in front of her and have started reciprocating it towards her as well. 3. Her past is traumatic for a girl(you know what i mean) ( i don't wanna mention it bcs i didn't asked her permission before making this post. I just wanna give you an overview of the situation. From the past 3 years we have had major fights 3-4 times every 2 months where i always listen and she always speaks. She badmouthed about me( saying i am ungreatfull, selfish for putting myself first and taunts me for having no friends saying my selfishness is the reason when in reality i am way too focused on studies to impress my father to get my share of love) in front of me and asked me to improve. I have put 100% efforts in improving and i am not the same girl i was 3 years ago. I have worked a lot on myself and i know how hard it is to change your personality in prime teenage years(16-19). She recognises my efforts on normal days but fails to recognise it in fight and has been badmouthing and taunting me for the past 3 years. 4. As time went by, i became more supportive of her( as she asked me to) and supported her whenever and wherever she asked me to( just in case i don't agree with her, she again starts with her list of badmouthing and makes me cry hard 2-3 times a month for past 3-4 years). Few days back, i had an exam so i asked her for a favour( to cook meals for us{ mom wrist was fractured and she is in recovering period) ,i don't know what happened she turned hostile towards me and threw salt at my eyes( salt was a mixture of ground chilli powder and salt crystals). Thank god, i was wearing my glasses otherwise idk what would have happened. 5. She has often credited me with all the problems in her life and said it was my fault that mom biased me and not her and wants me to leave the house. An angry person always speaks the truth. She has said this multiple times but none of us considered it to be that serious but after the recent fight i am considering leaving home. 6. Leaving home i not a appropriate option as my country is where people worship women but society is not safe for them. Situation is so bad that i have mentally started to blame myself for her trauma.( i have no involvement in it and loved her with pure dedication since childhood until recent years). I can't look at my face in the mirror, i am so disgusted by my face , looking at my face makes me realise that i couldn't improve myself as much as she wanted. These are just 1-2 major events from past 3-4 years but has lots of minor fights over 4 years that has led to me writing this post. 7. I will include few things, she has been asking me to change in such a way that benefits her and her studies meanwhile if i go the route she has asked me to i just end up living a secondary life providing her with all means and services. If i ever dare to oppose this system she fights me and the cycle of me asking how to improve and live for her starts all over again. Mind you, you dare not disagree with her, cause if you dare disagree her, she will again fight you and mom, though she supports me a bit more that her,, she ends up not calling my sister out for her outrageous behaviour and asks me to submit to her and follow her commands. 8. I am gonna list some of her behaviour whenever i disageree with her, she deprives me of access to books and pens, throws edibles at me whenever she gets angry and broke 3 antique pieces in anger. So AITAH for simply existing.

Long story short- i have a elder sister, she adored me in childhood and i loved her as well, we grew up, we grew apart and now she blames me for her traumatic childhood saying of only if i had not existed, none of fhe miseries of her life would have happened. She complained, i put efforts and improved but it's still not sufficient for her, So AITAH FOR EXISTING. Please give unbiased views and opinion so that i can deal with this chapter in my life.