(Sorry if some things don't make sense, I'm Georgian and English isn't my first language) Okay so this is more of a rant I guess. It's my first time posting too, lol. But anyway, I (14), have a hatred towards a few of my family members. Like the title suggests, my grandpa, mom and little sister. BEFORE I get told that it's because I'm a teenager and all that, I just want to say I've been feeling like this for 4-5 years, maybe younger? Getting back on topic, my grandpa is an absolute AH towards everybody, especially me. I don't know why though. He criticizes every little thing I do, look at him for too long? I get scolded, I go to my grandparents after school? I get scolded. When I do, he especially loves to bring out the fact that my bio dad and his parents (and family, friends in general) are JW's. I say that because my mom and her family are Christians and stuff. He hit me a few times when I was younger (very lightly though. Most of the time.) but generally he's more of a verbal man. I have a nagging feeling in my mind that he hates me for just existing at this point. He's the reason I want to end it all sometimes. Enough about him though.

My mom (30F) and little sister (4F) drive me CRAZY. Not only does my little sister swear, she hits me and yells at me. My mom (like her dad) have short tempers, and I happen to be the target for it for some odd reason. I used to be incredibly attached to my mom when I was small, I was basically glued to her hip, especially so because of my stepdad. (who is out of my life now, thankfully, they fought basically everyday and SA'ed me when I was 11) Now that we're safe though, I'm growing more and more distant from her. She and I are vastly different, clothing and personality wise. I've always been more "mature" for my age I think, and as my mom grows older she gets more and more immature. My relationship with her is strained at best. I've got mixed feelings about her too, sometimes I love her sometimes she makes me cry and hate her — it's CONFUSING! And I hate it. She lets me express myself but it feels limited somehow? Once I accidentally spilled some oil (it wasn't even alot) and she hit me upside the head. And when we get into disagreements it's not any better either. Her first instinct is to yell! It's FUCKING annoying. It feels like I'm more mature than her and I'm not even 16 yet. I love her but I wish she'd get her shit together and not act like she's the only one who's allowed to be angry. I don't have alot to say about my little sister- I don't like her. I just can't. I feel unreasonably angry when I see her, I don't go out of my way to hit her of course but still. She cries VERY easily. Like very easily, but that's dumb to say considering she's 4- lol. I just feel trapped and not trapped? I feel like I can't be angry or feel any negative emotions around them. I had (admittedly) resorted to SH 2 years ago because of it. I mostly wish my mom would be slightly nicer because I don't plan on making it past 17-18.