Before I start, I need to say that I'll try to keep it as short as I can, but I'm talking about decades of a relationship, so it will be long. Also, English is my second language, and I'm sorry for any mistakes.

I (21F) am the youngest daughter. It's always been me, my mom, and my sister (26F). My father has always been absent after my mom left him. We moved in with my grandparents, and my grandfather became the dad we never had, even though he passed away less than two years later. My grandma is supportive, but she can be really cruel with her words and very influenceable by my three aunts, who treat us like we're not even a part of the family. We are always left out of family reunions, birthday parties, weddings, etc. Sometimes, they can get into my grandma's head and make her do the same, all because we are the daughters of the "crazy mother" who left her husband and has never been scared to start all over again, while they have no jobs, no careers, and have always been dependent on their husbands.

We’ve gone through a lot and have a lot of trauma, but the way my sister deals with it makes everyone around her miserable. When I was a kid, it would be regular teenage, older sister behavior, but as time passed, she became meaner. When I was 11, I was severely bullied at school. I would skip classes and spend hours at the bus stop so my mom wouldn’t find out I wasn’t going. One day, someone even pushed me down the stairs. Usually, when you're bullied at school, you feel relief when you get home, but for me, it was kind of like the second round. My sister had the capacity to bully me harder than any 11-year-old at school. I was scared of buying new clothes because I knew she would find them pathetic. I was scared of getting a new haircut, wearing makeup, talking about the TV shows I liked, music, or any type of self-expression because anything I liked was ridiculous. I was a talkative child, but now I was always stuttering and whispering because anything I did was used against me. It was rough, and I was completely shattered. Every single ounce of personality I ever had just disappeared because everything I did became a reason for the bullying. I was a shell of myself. The appreciation and approval of your older sibling is such a big thing for younger siblings, and kids' mentalities are so fragile at that age, they don’t even realize that.

I reached a point where she wasn't so important to me anymore. I would always clap back at her, and it was at that moment that we started having physical fights. I knew she didn’t like me, so I accepted it and moved on with my life. She can be calm and friendly sometimes, but you never know when she will snap at you. She makes backhanded compliments, tells embarrassing stories about me to others, and makes jokes. But when you try to do it to her, she screams, cusses at you, and ruins the moment for everyone around her. You just have to walk on eggshells to deal with her.

During the pandemic, my grandma got sick, so my mom went to live with her for a couple of months. My sister was working, and I was still in high school. Now, with money involved and nobody to stop her, she felt powerful. If I didn’t do what she wanted, I wasn’t allowed to eat. She would turn the Wi-Fi off and scream about how useless and pathetic I was. Months later, I found out I was sick too, so I went to live with my mom. I was free.

Now, she's always trying to be friends. She calls me to her house, but when you go there, again, you don’t know who will be the victim—me, my mom, the dogs, or her boyfriend. She screams for nothing. If the dogs bark, she screams. If she told her boyfriend to do something and he didn’t do it quickly enough, she screams. It’s exhausting, so I just don’t go there anymore. Last week, she wanted to get a new tattoo, asked for a recommendation, and said she would pay for one for me because she didn’t give me a birthday present two years ago. She sent me the money and told me to go get it done. I’m unemployed at the moment, and I have a tattoo I want to cover up, so I was very happy. Also, since I don’t see her anymore, we haven’t fought for a while, so I was glad we would do something together.

She came to visit us, and she’s always complaining that my cat hides when it sees her. I told her to not make any sounds and that the door would be open. I held the cat in my arms, but she just came through the door making a lot of noise, so my cat got scared and scratched me pretty badly. She came to hug me, and I said I didn’t want to hug her because I got hurt and that I told her not to make any noise. She started screaming that I treat her badly and threw a tantrum for more than 10 minutes about how spoiled and rude I am. I went to my room and only came out when she left. After that, she also told me to send her money back. I know I was rude for not hugging her, but it hurt a lot. I got scratched on my neck and arms, but she’s always rude, so why is it such a big deal when it’s me? Also, I know I’m wrong for forcing my cat to interact with someone when she’s scared of them. I just wanted my sister to see her. I won’t do it again.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells. I’m tired of being screamed at. I'm so tired of feeling scared. I’m tired of dealing with her. It hurts me because I love her, but she caused me so much issues already, I'm insecure, I have trust issues, I became such a negative and reactive person because of her abuse. I’ve said I would cut contact with her many times, but I think I mean it this time.

Am I the asshole for deciding I don’t want my sister in my life anymore?