Last year, I decided to finally go no contact with my brother. I'm 28, he's 31. I didn't tell him I was going no contact, he technically found out through his fiancé.

She had messaged me asking for my availability so she could pick a date for her daughter's birthday party, and at that point I already knew I was going to go no contact, so I decided to be honest instead of make some bullshit excuse. I responded by apologizing because we wouldn't be able to attend, and being honest that I hadn't told anyone in the family yet but that I'd decided to no longer be in contact with [let's call him Chad] due to his emotional abuse throughout my life. I expressed my care & support for her, and said the hardest part of the decision was knowing it would affect her as well. I told her she can always talk to me & have my support - because over the years, she had sent me countless messages and calls detailing his abuse towards HER. I thought she would understand my decision in some way.

But instead, she immediately showed the message to my mom, Chad, and then went across the street to my other brother's house and showed the message to him and my sister in law. My mom later told me they all sat around discussing the abuse, determining if it was enough to justify no contact. Surprise surprise - it wasn't, according to them.

Some context:

• Chad, his fiancé, and their 2 toddlers live with my mom in the townhouse I grew up in
• Chad is still actively emotionally abusing my mom and his fiancé
• Chad is incredibly misogynistic and very open about it
• Our dad died when we were 10/13 after a long battle with cancer. It was really traumatic for my whole family since my dad was the sunshine & glue of the family

After my decision to go no contact, my mom spent a while trying to make me change my mind. I certainly empathize with her considering her position of living with him and being in that environment. I hate how it affects her and his continued treatment of her. But I feel she's been really unfair in her guilt tripping, examples below:

• Telling me I'm just a cold and selfish person, that my decision is vindictive and will rip apart the whole family
• We went to brunch right before my birthday, which was a couple months after the "decision"; she tried to make me look at photos of my brother on her phone to change my mind, said that i'm similar to my abusive brother because I "clearly" have some sort of psychological or mental disorder, asked me if something ever happens to my husband, who would I have then, because I would be all alone with no one to go to
• When I eloped, she told me "soon, your siblings will have no reason to care about you" because she stated that eloping was selfish and hurtful
• Has said that my decisions in my life (getting vaccinated during covid, eloping, and now cutting out my brother) have made her cry more than his abuse towards her
• When I was still living at home, I was constantly hiding in my room and avoiding him at all costs. she would always tell me that he can tell I'm hiding and it upsets him, and that I have to be more available to him. Meanwhile, when I was a teenager and he was throwing insults at her, I would physically put my body in between him & her as a means of protecting her

I know that abusive behaviour should not be tolerated ever, especially from family. But my wondering if I'm the AH is because

1) He lives with her, so it's a lot harder for me to see her / communicate with her. He's said I'm not allowed to go to the house if he's not there, and he told my mom he expects her to fix it, and if she can't, that she should never speak to me again

2) I'm in therapy working through my unattended grief from losing my dad, and it's uncovered a lot of memories of just how traumatic our childhood was. If abusive behaviour is (partially) a result of trauma, does that change the argument for going no contact?

My whole family believes blood is everything and nothing justifies leaving. But it's a little hypocritical considering all 4 of my siblings are still angry at me for getting vaccinated 4 years ago and refused to talk to me 90% of the time over the last few years. It's just a mindfuck. And I'm a sensitive b*tch clearly lol.