Hi again.

This whole weekend has sucked ass.

I want to say for about the past year or so my dad has been in and out of the hospital with cancer. I don't exactly have the best relationship with my dad and haven't spoken to the guy in person for about 3-5 years. Despite this, the notion of his death still has me feeling negatively.

I'm unsure if this is relevant context but my parents are divorced and have been for at least 15+ years.

This past Friday I got call from my mom stating that I just need to call him because he's in hospice care and probably doesn't have very many more days. The way she worded it implied that Friday might be his last day. I won't get into too much about the conversation but I strongly told her more then once I will not be calling him dying or not.

Since the phone call was early in the day, I spent the rest of the day contemplating what I wanted to do with that information. I had plans set up for the rest of the day but cancelled them due to the news. I'm not great at processing negative emotions and tend to meet them with a nonchalant or monotone attitude with some jokes and comedy. (This is where I can see not being taken as seriously.)

This is where my bad weekend started becoming shitty worst weekend of my life.

I called the friend I had originally made plans with and explained the situation, stated I didn't want to leave home, and mentioned I'd honestly just would prefer if someone came and sat with me while I played animal crossing. That friend got confused thinking I was still planning on coming over there and also responded by asking why I am calling him about this news and not friend 2. I stated that I wasn't comfortable really sharing that with friend 2, not because they're bad at those situations but because I have a longer track record with friend 1 and we both know the most about the other. Friend 1 says that's fair and said "I'll see what I can do"

Eventually after being by myself for hours, I relent and call friend 2 for assistance. Friend 2 states they'll hang out for 30/ 60 minutes but not much longer. I asked what the rush to get home was and he said homework. I asked when it was due and he said Monday. (It was Friday at the time.) I just said ok, no big deal.

Before friend 2 left I stated that id really like them to encourage friend 1 to get back to me. Friend 1 states they were assuming I was coming over there and I was like no and said I'd really rather someone be here. Friend 1 states they can't right away cause someone they didn't expect came over and they need to shower so they have to hang out with them first. I was initially disappointed but just kind of said alright and left it at that. Eventually he shows up hours later. We watched some shows for a while eat some food and he eventually leaves.

After he left I kind of just had this empty feeling inside.

Earlier in the day a 3rd friend called to see what I was up to and I kinda spilled I wasnt happy and just kind of was hoping for someone to just stay with me for the day. She says she would be over right away but already agreed to spend time at a friend's place but she'd visit later. I told her not to worry about it and that I was kinda at a point I didn't care who came. She didn't end up showing up till 5 hours later.

After all that and I was just alone in my apartment, I kind of just had this sad feeling. I'm not really the type to ask for help at all when I'm going through something or just not ask in general. There was something so lonely about that feeling of everyone prioritizing everything else around them over it. I'm fully aware people have their own lives and things to do but what bugged me so much is that I've dropped everything for each of them for almost anything they needed and put myself in uncomfortable spots for all three.

I know kindness isn't a gift that always gives back, nor should you expect it to give back, but there's something so insulting about people you love not being able to spare on night for you knowing you've put yourself on the line more then once for them.

So I was already not happy to say the least.

That was all Friday.

I managed to get off work on Saturday just so I could spend the day processing and working out how I felt. I spent a lot of the day being angry and crying and sitting and disassociating. Some honorable mentions from the day: I accidentally rolled a shopping cart into my car due to the uneven road holes. Also due to the holes; when I was putting groceries in my car, I lost my footing and soaked my slippers and hoodie from a huge puddle.

I ask some of the same friends yet again if they mind sharing some time just to watch a sad movie and was met with a resounding "no" or "can't". This kinda added gas to the fire for me.

Then comes today. (Sunday) I ended up having to come into work (thanks retail). At work, not even halfway through my shift, I get bitched at by some customers that came into my job already having sour know it all attitudes.

I'll keep it short but if you've worked as a cashier for big name video game store, then you'll know our customer base isn't the nicest. Some of the things said to me was that they couldn't wait to see my specific store close and that I'm just there to make a paycheck along with various other commentary.

At this point I'm just ready to blow a gasket.

After my shift, I finally get home and cooled down alone for several hours. Listened to music, watched videos, just relaxed.

The only thing bugging me is I didn't really feel like I could speak to anyone about what was upsetting me or truly vent about how I feel due to most of the events this past weekend.

The icing on the cake was the door dash food I ordered was stolen and I was fucking furious at this point.

I eventually hit up a friend who moved a few states away and start telling him about the whole weekend. Just, all of it. Specifically highlighting how I felt about our friends and my dad.

This friend and I are fantastic when it comes to hanging out and doing stuff together but when it comes to deep emotional issues, I tend to never feel listened to by him. Whenever I talk to him about something going on he tends to give me very generic and textbook answers and also jumps straight into advice/solutions/instructions on what he thinks/feels I should do. He often does this without ever asking if that is what I desire in these moments. I've confronted him about it before and he normally tells me he is a problem solving guy and that's how he handles other people's issues.

I have told him on numerous occasions that when I am venting I want to feel heard/validated/listened to when I am talking to him. That regardless if he thinks I need it or not, that him doing it doesn't really make me feel seen at all. It also makes me feel like he does not see I am more then capable of regulating and coming up with my own solutions on my own.

Due to these conversations, it's made me not like speaking to him regarding any issues I'm having. I often seek him as a last resort or try not to bring up anything at all due to this.

Normally we bicker back and forth on the topic and I just let it go.

What makes this different is that we are discussing my father's impending death and my emotions on everything that has happened so far.

I will admit I didn't ask him in advance if this was ok for me to share or if he had the capacity for it. I was just over everything and sent several voice messages outlining the events of the weekend.

He started back by sharing that it was unfortunate and now I can always call him if need be which was initially fine, but then he starts giving me directions on what he thinks I should do and how I should handle it.

I politely tell him this is not the time for advice or directions and that I'm perfectly capable of that on my own and he responds by saying that it's something I NEED to hear regardless if I think I do or not.

I responded back telling him that giving me instructions on how to handle my grief is just going to piss me off further and that I'd advise to stop.

He continues pushing it saying it's necessary for this conversation ESPECIALLY for what I'm going through and that I should know how these conversations work.

I told him the only reason I was sharing is cause I'm looking to be listened to and heard, that I was not looking for a grief guru and explicitly asked him to please not do it again.

I also told him that this is the exact reason I hate coming to him for anything.

He took offense to the comment telling me to have a goodnight.

I send a few more messages stating that he is not listening to my point. (I was also furious) I stated that you need to ask people what type of comfort they're looking for before you just go ahead and lay it on. You don't just decide for them. I also told him that some of the things he said and recommended are seen extremely wild things to say to someone who is clearly grieving. I told him I know it hurts his feelings to hear that but it genuinely makes me feel as though I'm speaking to someone who doesn't know me at all.

He responded in short messages with "mhm"s. This usually means he's upset but doesn't want to press the matter further.

He ended stating he'll keep it in mind and responding to each section with nothing else but "mhm"

Small Edit: I should also note that what really set me off during the conversation was him using wording such as "well if you're gonna act like that about it" or "imma let you cool off before I get back to you" and "if you're gonna act that way" while I'm actively explaining that what he's doing is upsetting me more.

AITAH?