Me (23m) and my girlfriend (22f) are fighting right now because I went to the gym instead of comforting her.

For context we have been together for 4 years now and everything was good for the first 3 years but she came back from college around the 2nd year and we had been planning on saving up and moving out from my parents place for a while. The problem was after a couple of months (maybe 2-3 I forgot) she was crying every time she had to go to work at Walgreens and decided to quit ( I told her it was okay and encouraged her to do so if she thought it was too stressful and wanted another job). Now for more context she is a SA survivor with severe depression and anxiety and was gonna run out of her anti depressants in about a month so I knew she was also stressed about that. after she quit I told her to take a month off since she had plenty of money saved up and deserved a break. I also got us a bunny around that time to help her as an emotional support animal. Well that was august 2023 and she still hasn’t gotten a job and I’ve been here for her as much as possible. though I will admit there have been times where I just haven’t felt good myself and tried to see if she can calm herself down but she always says she hates when I do that and me sitting in silence next to her is something she hates and makes her feel worse ( when i feel bad I don’t really know how to cheer her up) It’s been like that for the past year, we’ve talked about it and I’ve promised to try to not make her feel like I’m ignoring her but like I said sometimes I just don’t feel like being positive or im feeling bad too.

I get that it’s hard for her with her depression and anxiety and especially when I’m the only person she can rely on ( she doesn’t talk to any of her family for personal reasons) but for the past year it’s felt like I’ve just been baby sitting her. We never go out because she gets too anxious, I have to go to stores by myself for things we need sometimes and she waits in the car, if she does go into the store I feel rushed and pressured to get the shopping done fast because if there’s too many people or I take too long looking at things she starts getting more anxious and hurrying me. She also refuses to leave our room after living with my parents for 2 years. She says she still feels like she doesn’t belong and so I end up making all her food for her and getting anything else. We haven’t had sex for almost 2 years now also which isn’t a dig at her because I know it’s hard for SA survivors to even think about sex without thinking about their abuser but we even cuddle less because she says that she gets uncomfortable with that too, our intimacy is practically non existent.

I say all this to say that I few like I give a lot to our relationship and deserve to have a break from having to take care of her.

This leads me on to why I’m writing this post, last night my whole family had a argument and it got bad and we all said things we didn’t or did mean I don’t know anymore everyone was crying, anyways I go to my room with her after to vent and she listens to me and hugs me like twice and then I just lay on the bed doing nothing because I felt bad, when I feel bad I just kind of shit down. And she was just sitting there next to me looking at me for a bit until she said we should go to sleep so we did. Today I wake up and work from 8am-9:30am since I’m self employed and book loads for my dad so if I get one early I can chill until like 12 to look for one the next day if possible, I go back to the room and sleep with her until about 1, then I go back out and so far I don’t think anyways up, I think maybe she just wants to sleep in a extra bit and or she’s feeling extra bad because of my family’s fight last night(she was in our room and could hear everything). I ended up working until 5pm and went back to the room a couple of times to see she if she woke up and no she was still sleeping. So when I was done with work I decided to cook up dinner since she hadn’t eaten all day and maybe she would be hungry when I finished. The whole day I was also feeling bad and not in a cheer up mood so I was trying to at least leave her food before I left to the gym to de stress. I finish then go to the room and offer her food, she doesn’t want any and is still sleeping (it’s about 6pm now ) so I just go eat in the kitchen and then start getting ready for the gym. Before I leave I make sure to tell her that I’m not leaving because she’s bumming me out and that I’m just trying to de stress from yesterday and she says okay. So I leave and when I’m getting my energy drink from the dollar store I see she unsent a message.

I call her and she is breaking down in tears saying she doesn’t wanna say whatever she said because it didn’t matter (she always says stuff doesn’t matter whenever she doesn’t wanna open up) I keep telling her to tell me since I already saw she texted me,. She ask me how I could think it’s okay to leave her alone when she’s feeling bad and has been in bed all day, I tell her that I wasn’t in a good mood too and that I just didn’t feel like I would or could cheer her up and that I wanted to de stress too, I even told her before I left that I would lay down with her when I got back. She starts screaming and saying how could I think that’s okay and I hear what I think is her throwing something and she hangs up (she’s thrown stuff before, nothing actually heavy or breakable but it still bothers the fuck outta me when she does it because it just comes off aggressive) i come back to the house and now she’s in the shower and I’m outside on the porch not even wanting to go in. AMA

Idk if this just came off as a rant, I didn’t mean it too I’m just getting tired. Thank you for any responses, It’s okay if you’re mean, I’m just looking for advice