I’m an incoherent mess so I apologize in advance.

My bf (M34) and I (F30) rescued a stray cat last year, on new years. I love her to death. She’s the sweetest, cutest, loveliest baby I’ve ever had the honor of knowing. You can only imagine how devastated I was when we found out she had lymphoma all this time, and has no hope anymore ever since we found out a week ago. My poor baby lost 5lbs in a few weeks time, has been vomiting a lot, has terrible diarrhea, and is always hungry, despite the food not digesting. She doesn’t absorb much nutrients anymore. She’s wasting away, and it kills me to see her try to be normal when I know inside she’s hurting. The vet prescribed her steroids to ease her pain, but she can’t be cured. I don’t want her to be medicated forever. I want her to be free, to be free of her decaying body. I’m so fucking heartbroken, and I’ve been a wreck. I don’t want her to suffer anymore, god.

The problem I’m having though is my boyfriend. He’s also a wreck since we found out. He’s been experiencing mood swings, ranging from “the steroids seem to be working! She can hang on a bit longer!” to “we need to let her go soon.” He’s been isolating him to ChatGPT therapy…I guess.

Recently, our workplace (we work in the same place) implemented a new policy stating we can no longer use our accrued PTO for emergencies. Three callouts equals instant termination, regardless of reason. If you want to use your PTO, it must be submitted a week in advance. This came at a fucking horrible timing and I’m so goddamn angry at it. Another issue is the state of affairs here in the US, and the job market is so bad it can’t pay us however much we make here, which is a lot. We’re also planning on moving to a different area and getting a car. We just signed a lease for a new apartment.

The problem is, he’s used two callouts, so that’s two strikes. One more and he’s out of a job. I can’t stress this enough: we need this job, we live in a moderately HCOL area and we’re saving up for a house. He used the callouts to stay and watch our cat because he’s worried sick about her, which I get. I would’ve stayed too if it weren’t for this stupid new policy. But he can’t keep doing this. He says he’s saved enough money on his own to pay rent for the next 5 years or so, and he insists he’s doing the right thing. He pays a LOT in child support for his child. He also wants to look into bereavement leave…but I know HR won’t allow it for a cat. If he’s out of a job, this puts a dent into our plans, and lays the work on me to keep this job.

But god I understand his pain! I don’t want to leave my cat while she’s dying! Now I’m not sure if he wants to keep her on steroids or lay her to rest, because he just can’t decide. My dearest baby is leaving us soon but we can’t afford to lose this job. He’s calling me cold and heartless for going to work, for abandoning her. That I can’t wait to get rid of her. I wanted to fucking smack him when he said that. I’m sitting at work crying right now thinking about the pain she’s going through, and the guilt I feel for it. I wish I found her sooner so I could’ve spent more time with her. I’m so sorry my baby.

So Reddit…am I the asshole? If I am, I completely understand. I don’t know what to feel anymore. Please help me rearrange my thoughts.