UPDATE!!! Would I be the AH if I don't forgive my "SIL" for a fucked up joke she said : r/AITAH

Well, well, well, yall! I am finally back with a final update and good lord did shit hit the fan! I was hoping that I could continue to keep Vicky at arms length and she would eventually get used to it but after what happened I am gonna need some advice on what to do going forward until the day Matt FINALLY opens his eyes and realises who he's dating!

Right after that Sunday dinner when Vicky made an awkward scene in front of the whole household, my in-laws voiced their disappointment in me to my husband for being so harsh. Again, all I did was not acknowledge Vicky and kept my distance. Side note: there have been some of you in the comments questioning my husband's reaction to this whole thing and I want to make this absolutely clear: my husband has been defending me from the very beginning! He always agreed that the joke she made was completely out of line and that Vicky is the type that doesn't know the difference between being funny and being inappropriate, especially around his parents. In fact, I actually felt bad because although his parents were angry with me they took it out on my husband as if he had any part to play in this. Despite that, he fiercely defended me by explaining in full detail about my family's history as immigrants and even told them the story of how my mother had to flee her country and be separated from her family (which is something I never explained to my in laws). He also pointed out that not only is this not the first time Vicky has said something racist but she builds her entire personality on being inappropriate and that his parents has seen her behaviour for themselves. Therefore, I should not be forced to interact with her (especially on her terms) when she makes me feel uncomfortable. What's more, my husband pointed out how I was the chatty one meanwhile Vicky didn't say a word the entire dinner and made Matt leave dinner early with her SIMPLY because I didn't look at her. In fact, my husband's exact words to my in laws were, "and what if she did look at Vicky? Then Vicky would've complained that she was giving her nasty looks. Besides, is that ALL she has to complain about? Because she didn't look at her?" All four of us dropped it and moved on until Sunday came around again...

It happened to be Mother's Day in the UK so for the sake of my Mother-in-law, I was going to make myself EXTRA chatty at dinner and not make it obvious that I was still stone walling Vicky. My husband is a personal trainer so he had a few clients to train but was going to return in time for dinner. I decided to pass the time by getting a head start on my work and stayed in our room working on my laptop with my airpods blasting in my ears. Around early afternoon, I received yet another text from Vicky saying that she and Matt are coming to dinner and that she's looking forward to seeing me. I left her on "read" and continued my work. Dinner usually starts at 7pm and Matt and Vicky usually turn up an hour to 30 minutes before. Unbeknownst to me, Matt and Vicky decided to show up at 4pm. After a few hours, I came downstairs to check if my MIL needed a hand I was surprised to see Vicky and Matt already sitting at the table. When I asked if they had just arrived, Matt replied that they arrived hours ago. I then turned my attention to grandma to say hello and at the corner of my eye I saw Vicky and Matt looking at each other awkwardly. At this point, I was just gonna let Vicky play the victim card until she made herself look pathetic while I act completely normal. The entire dinner was great as we all laughed and talked just like we always have ....but then we finished dessert and that's when Vicky spoke up and said, "I think it's time we address the elephant in the room."

The whole table went silent and I took a massive swig of my wine because I knew what was coming and I started to seethe. Seething at how she was about to force me to be nice to her by guilt tripping and embarrass me in front of everyone. Seething at how she would rather cause a scene at the table on Mother's Day instead of taking the 3 HOURS that she had when she arrived to pucker up the courage to come upstairs and knock on my door to talk about "this elephant" in private. Most importantly, I was seething at how she was about to play the victim over something SHE DID. I gave her a chance though. A chance to correct herself by saying, "you really wanna do this here?" She insisted because the way I told her "I accept the apology...put it that way" and me ignoring her texts was "immature". That's when the wine I just down kicked in and I let her have it:

Me: "I'm sorry do you expect me to invite you for bottomless brunch dates and sleepovers now?"

Vicky: "I didn't say that we have to do those things. You have been ignoring my texts and you wont even look at me"

Me: "Okay but here's the thing, sweetie, you do NOT get to post offensive jokes that YOU KNOW FULL WELL is offensive and then act all shocked when someone gets offended. You can apologise all you want but at the end of the day we both know that you're ONLY sorry because you got called out for being out of line and NOT because you knew how inappropriate that joke was because you wouldn't have posted it in the first place."

Vicky: I had no idea that joke was going to offend you! I had no idea your parents were immigrants!"

Me: "Oh so I have to disclose to you that my parents were immigrants in order for you to understand that finding humour in wishing death upon people is wrong?"

Vicky: "Why are you being like this? It was never my intention to hurt you. I am not an asshole. But you are deliberately ignoring me. You have been upstairs the whole time we've been here and you didn't bother to come down and say hello"

Me: "How funny considering I had no idea yall got here so early but YOU KNEW I was upstairs and the whole time YOU did not bother to come upstairs to speak to me? Youre the one that screwed up therefore it is not MY responsibility to seek you out and speak to you. But you already know that which is why you're NOW asking me to talk...right here...at this dinner table...in front of an audience...on Mother's Day. You just want an audience so you can play the victim."

Vicky: "Oh Fuck off!"

At that point my MIL stood up and told us both to shut up and stop bickering then ran upstairs to cry. There was a brief silence after we heard her bedroom door slam and all I could say was, "well, congratulations, Vicky! You ruined Mother's Day. I hope this show you created was worth it." Vicky then got out of her seat and ran to the back garden to cry with Matt running after her. My husband just looked at me stunned at what happened but I was relieved when he took my hand because I knew he was still on my side.

MIL managed to calm down and came back downstairs. Bless her, she said that I was the best thing that has ever happened to her son and she loves me but she doesn't want this to cause a wedge between her two sons. I assured her that I had dropped this since the day I wrote to her saying that I accepted her apology so I don't know why she had to take it to that level. MIL then said that she wants our dinners to go back to how they were before all this and not have any tensions to which I reiterated that I never did anything to cause tensions. Out of nowhere, FIL screamed out while looking at my husband dead in the eyes, "YOU NEED TO STOP THIS!" and smashed a wine glass on the table. I then ran upstairs and started packing my stuff. It's one thing for being reprimanded for something I did not cause and standing up against bad behaviour but to see my husband catching blame for something that has nothing to do with him made me sick. If anything FIL should've directed that anger towards Matt for not controlling his troll of a gf to shut her mouth in the first place. Husband begged me not to go but I just couldn't bare to be around his parents with this sort of bad atmosphere hanging over us. I left in a hurry and stayed in an Airbnb near my office.

As of now, I am staying with a friend until the process for getting our house is finalised. Husband keeps telling me that his parents wants me to come back but I keep refusing because although it has been weeks I still feel embarrassed. So Redditors, I am left with 2 questions:

1. Should I get over what happened and go back?
2. MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: It's clear that Matt doesn't have the spine to break up with Vicky even after witnessing her obsession for drama therefore how am I supposed to interact with Vicky whenever I have to see her again? I was planning to continue giving her the cold shoulder and not talking to her or looking at her like before but husband pointed out that she will want me to do that because then she can use that as ammo against me. She will try to test my damn patience and bait me into making her look like the poor victim... I don't want that bitch to win! How should I do it?