I’ve been with my partner for just over 2 years (M21, F21) The start of our relationship was fantastic, never an issue. This past year on the other hand, it’s been nothing but arguments which 9/10 are started because I get annoyed with her minimal effort. E.g I’ll ask a detailed question, which in hindsight would require a detailed answer, she’ll answer with a yes or no. Stg if she could send a shake of the head through text she would. This will go on for weeks until I finally crack it and it’ll start as a what I thought a conversation would be, turns into me talking to a brick wall, which then I get angry about- just about when she starts getting bitchy with it all. M- I want more security, consistency and effort F- whatever I’ll be the flawless women then, perfect even! Just for you. My question is serious, am I the asshole? Is this something worth getting upset over? I can’t tell. After the argument boils a while, I’ll start saying things like we both need to amount to what each other want, as there’s no reason to continue if not. She’ll pull the “this is who I am I’m not happy with life” card, which frustrates me as the only message with effort she can type is one where she’s essentially throwing her hands in the air and saying take it or leave it. I’ll be frustrated and the argument will go on, eventually she’ll be super upset and crying, which then I feel an unbearable immense pain that I’ve made the girl I love cry, but in reality, the situation could and should have been avoided if I’d received the treatment I expected when we started our relationship.

So what I want to know is, am I an asshole? (I’ve suspected I am for a long time) or is she the asshole because our arguments are over things I’ve made known I hate for 2 years, like seriously it’s like your trying to piss me off at this stage🙄

Edit: my example isn’t the best, just trying to give a piece of mind. In reality my example is one of the more lighter things I’ve been upset with. Edit add on, I also get upset with some of the things she says, she self harms, and unless I point out her new marks, she’ll keep it quite and then blame it on something I’ve done in the past, which also generates an argument she ends up crying over-and I hate myself for. Eg. “I cut myself because I was so angry you didn’t put the plates away I had to relieve myself”