This is a lot but I'll try to make it short. We met online and spoke on here for years before meeting in person. It was shortly before we met in person, when I was going through a difficult time, that he started sending me money. I didn't ask for it and tried to send it back each time. However, he insisted that I accepted it and told me it made him happy helping me. He knew the situation I was in financially, or at least I thought he did considering I told him. We met in person and he started paying for food for us both. He also offered to buy me other things on the smaller/inexpensive side which I tried to refuse, but he once again insisted, seemingly insulted by me not accepting.

This went on for a while until he started to blame me for certain costs like groceries, telling me I put too much in the basket. He started complaining he couldn't afford us both. He said that I didn't care about the stress he was under, when I couldn't do anything to help apart from telling him to not spend on me any more which he declined. I learned he was in debt but he blamed his grandmother for it, telling me she encouraged and signed off on loans knowing he had a problem, and that she should be the one to pay them off. He began using everything he spent on me against me, holding it over my head, and calling me ungrateful and unappreciative.

He told me he didn't know I was as bad off financially as I was. This is when he claims I first told him about my late fathers life insurance I was owed. I vaguely recall mentioning it online. I required a lot to be able to claim, all of which he offered to help me get. In the meantime I accessed money which was mine, but I wasn't supposed to touch, and I paid for a lot of food. He minimized this, however, saying that the food I bought was "binge food" (we both had eating disorders at the time) as if it wasn't still food. He also focused on the fact I bought a phone and a doll, and said I could've put the money towards something else.

He encouraged me to go back to the UK with him but I said no, that I didn't have enough to support myself, to which he said he would support me. He complained the entire time about having to do so, about having to spend any money on me including on a bottle of coke. He acted like all he did for me, and with me, was a chore. However, he went overboard for Christmas and my birthday, bragging about how much he spent on me. He told everyone, people I didn't know, about the life insurance money. He said he was trying to get advice for me and for a visa.

When I said I'd like to buy him gifts eventually, he said not to, and that he never wanted me to spend anything on him nor would he ever ask for money from me. That he knew how important it was to me and my future. Then whilst standing beside me one day he exclaimed, and with a sign of relief, that he'd be "swimming in money" eventually. When confronted he claimed he said "we" and that he was just relieved he'd no longer have to worry. He talked about moving out, about me paying outright for a place, and how he could get a job after the fact, something which I disagreed with saying I wouldn't fully pay and he'd need a job first.

He spoke some days about us being together and other days about us not being together. He asked me one day what my plans for the future were, where I was going to live, suggesting I spoke to relatives to see if they'd offer me a place to stay, and then the very next day talked of marriage. When questioned he said it was because he was worried something could happen to him, that he was worried about my future. Now he claims it's because he didn't know if I'd get the visa. I made the mistake of borrowing money off him, and more than once, and each time he seemed okay with it, going as far as to offer several items as gifts.

It didn't take long for him to hassle me for repayment, including for the supposed gifts, and act like I was taking advantage of him. I paid him back as much, and as quickly as I could, but that wasn't enough. He ended up going off at me about it, and saying horrible things, including how terrible I am and that I should be lynched. That if his family knew they'd hate me. I offered to pay him back everything, all he had ever spent on me all at once, and he declined. He said he didn't want paid back. Only to then hold it over my head, continue to blame me for food costs after I stopped borrowing, and just remain angry and hateful towards me over it.

He treated me like he didn't want to be with me, like he hated me, blaming me for everything wrong in his life. He spoke of breaking up repeatedly. But he wouldn't leave, and told me to leave if he was so bad, and then when I tried he begged me not to. I told my mother how he was treating me, how I believed he might be intending to use me for money, and he responded by pushing me into the kitchen counter claiming I slandered him. When I got some of the money that was due me, he criticized what I was spending it on and tried to stop me. He asked to borrow money for a phone and I agreed. When I got the life insurance money, he asked to borrow for more, and I agreed.

When I started to stress out, and complain, he reminded me of what he had spent on me. He also didn't care saying that I never cared when he was stressed, disregarding the fact he had a lot of help whereas I didn't. I was spending more at once than he ever had, and also loaning him large amounts of money, more than I had ever asked for at once. When I started hesitating to give it, he reminded me of all he spent on me, and all I was spending on myself as if to suggest I didn't care. He cussed me out whenever he thought I was going back on buying a laptop for him, something which I had never done.

He was quick to pay me back initially, but continued to borrow, and did so back to back at times. He would pay me back and then borrow again. And over time he stopped paying me back but kept borrowing, and took longer to pay me back. All the while he would buy things for himself, usually with the help of his mother or a credit card, and would pay both of those off before he did me. He even sold things I paid for and gave the money to his mother. He said, whenever I complained, that he had to prioritize paying her back. That she would get angry, that we live with her, and that she needed the money more than I did in that moment, that I could wait.

My mother expected me to spend money on house repairs prior to me receiving it, when I couldn't afford to do so. It really irked him that she was asking for that. Then, after I got the money, she began to ask for money here and there for things. I gave it to her because she was always quick to pay me back before, when she paid me rent and borrowed out of it. Well, she stopped paying rent and that annoyed him. He told me to demand that she paid it. When she failed to pay me back what she owed me for other things, he told me to set boundaries, and frequently told me she was taking advantage of me. That she should pay me back first before asking for more. When this is exactly what he's done to me on a larger scale.

When I started saying no to loaning him money, and that I felt used, he got angry. He slapped me in the face one of the times I said it. Another time, after I said no, he cussed me out and said it's because I wasn't listening. He bought a PS5 on my card after I said no, after I said I was stressed about money, and after he said he wouldn't ask again. He woke me up that night asking again, and I said angrily for him to "do what he wants." He acted like he'd done no wrong, like he did me a favor, saying I could sell it and make back more if I wanted. I ould hardly ever mention what he owed me. I didn't even keep track of it, he did.

He told me once that he knew it was vital I got the money back for the visa reapplication. When I said the same thing to him later on, he acted like I was hassling him, like I wasn't being understanding of his situation, and said that I was being unfair. He said if his family knew how I was treating him over it, and after all he spent on me before, they'd be upset. He said that we could technically call it even, that the money I owed him, the money which he declined me paying back was the same amount. When he over exaggerated how much it was, and I knew it wasn't the amount he said, but any time I said this he got angry.

This extends beyond what he owes me to our every day life. I spend a lot on us but he refuses to acknowledge this. He says he spends more when that's not true. If I challenge this, he gets angry. Many times I've gone grocery shopping and bought us food, and have expected some help with that, but he has made it out that I chose to go to the store and that I chose the food. That, because of that, I should pay for it because he can't afford it and didn't need to go in the first place. That he could have eaten what was at home. And so even though he's also consuming the food, and sometimes all of it, he's not paying for it half of the time and doesn't think he needs to.

When he pays for groceries, he often complains about the cost and about how most of it is mine. He asks me to pay him back for my food, and I do, but then he eats it along with me. On occasions he's eaten all of something when I've asked him not to. This is same junk/binge food I paid for at the start that he dismissed. I took someone's suggesting one time and told him that if I paid him back, he couldn't have any of the food, and he immediately said never mind. And so he wants me to pay for it, doesn't want to contribute, but wants to benefit from it still. He doesn't see any issue with that and fights me on it, acting like I'm unreasonable, whenever I get upset.

He has also gotten angry, and cussed me out, whenever I've shown interest in buying something he doesn't agree with and thinks is too much. He says he's trying to help me, stop me from being impulsive, but he does this by getting aggressive and ditching me in stores when I'm just browsing. When I've asked why I can loan him money, but I can't spend it, he says it's because he is giving me back the money he owes whereas I won't get back the money I spend. He has mentioned homelessness in regards to me spending, and running out of money, which he says is a tactic to scare me. But I don't think it is as he hated having to support me before, and complained about having to do so in the future.

If I mention he's not paying me back he blames it on being out of money due to spending too much on food, or some other reason, and says that he has paid me back when it's only ever small amounts here and there. He insists he intends to fully pay me back, but I don't believe that he does. It's like this entire time he's tried absolve himself of any involvement, or accountability, refusing to acknowledge my financial contributions and denying that I've helped a lot of the time, dismissing the fact that I pay for food for us both and acting like I'm paying solely for myself. He says, in regards to me loaning him money, that I agreed and didn't have to.

When we went to croatia during COVID, something we did to stay together, there was only one airline I could afford. I have a fear of flying and was hesitant but I said that, I would fly this airline in order to stay with him. Something sweet or so I thought it was. He responded by letting me know that I didn't have to, that I didn't have to spend the money if I didn't want to, and that we didn't have to go. That it was my choice, basically. In croatia he said similar things about it all being my choice. He recently said, in regards to me saying he's used me for money, that everything has been my choice.

If ever I've threatened to tell anyone about any of this, he's threatened to tell people what I did. Which I am not going to say wasn't wrong. But it's been years now of this, of him seemingly taking advantage of me. I remember saying one time he can't endlessly guilt me, and use what he spent on me, to me to give him money as he seemed to be doing. That I would eventually, and likely already have, spent more. That really frustrated him. I just feel like an idiot, and I don't know what to do here. I tried to get him to write down what he owes me to make it more binding and he refused, he said he has it in his notes on his phone.