Hello again Reddit, I’m not sure what to do in this situation but I’ll try to sum it up as best as I can.

So me and my mother have had a very rough time lately, to the point where I hate calling her my mother at all. Throughout my life she’s been more of a distant friend than a mother figure who genuinely took care of me. My entire life she’s chosen time and time again to go with her friends instead of take care of me (she’d just hire a nanny 24/7 and never be home for as long as I can remember) so all I knew of this woman was going on some trips sometimes and maybe once in a while have a laugh. Most of my life I’ve only been a therapist to her, ever since I was 10 I remember she’d rant to me about her problems and expect me to have an answer. So of course over time I started to grow resentful of all the time she took from me in my childhood, she’s done some awful things that I don’t want to get into but this now brings us to around six months ago almost. On my birthday, we had a massive fight, to the point where I did not speak to her for around a week or two, when I finally spoke to her I sent her a long message, explaining how she’s hurt me time and time again. We didn’t speak for a month after that. Until she texts me to meet up, I agreed and we went to dinner together, she apologised for everything she’s done to me and I simply said I’ll never forgive her but I’m willing to work on our relationship moving forward, she agreed and it’s been okay since, a bit rocky but it’s whatever. Now to present time, she recently got admitted to the hospital and the doctors have no idea what’s wrong with her, like it could be super bad or just something that can be easily fixed, I haven’t visited her because I just know she’s going to try and start a fight with me of some kind because she thinks I’ll go easier on her because she’s sick (I won’t.). Now my dad is on my side, he’s telling me to do whatever I think is best for myself and my mental, my brother says to follow my heart and do what’s right for me and my sister says that running away from the issue because I simply don’t want to face it won’t do me any good. They’re all right, but I’m stuck. My grandma came to visit for a bit and I called to ask when we’d meet up, in a sarcastic tone she answered “I don’t know. I care about YOUR MOTHER right now and nothing else. Have you visited her?” To which I said no because school has been putting me in a bad spot (which is true, I’m in a very bad place mentally because of classes) and she just said “uh huh” and I hung up shortly after.

What I think is the main issue is that I’m a very spiteful person, a while ago I got sick to the point of coughing so much I lost my voice for five days. My mother didn’t call, didn’t help me, didn’t do anything until my dad called me and asked if she’s helped (he was out of the country on business) and I said no so he yelled at her for neglecting me when I was so clearly in pain and then she called once, asked if I was okay, pitied me and then didn’t call again. So now that she’s sick, I don’t want to even call her or see her. So, Am I the asshole here?