Let me explain, I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and we’ll be married in a month. We’re both women, my partner and I. My future MIL is super Christian and has never accepted our relationship. When we got engaged my partner wrote her mother a letter stating we are getting married whether she wants to accept it or not. Now, all of a sudden, my future mil says she wants to “get to know me” and wants to come to our wedding. I don’t have an issue with her coming to the wedding but getting to know me is another story. This woman has caused me pain and suffering (to my partner as well obviously) for 12 years. Also, I’ve met this woman only once when my partner had surgery. My partner is not understanding my hesitation in NOT wanting a relationship with her. Also, she’s now saying how her mother (my future mil) will be invited to our home and our holidays together (we host thanksgiving every year). I’m not ok with this. I get that my partner wants her mom in her life and I love this for her but I don’t want a relationship with this woman. She in the very least owes me an apology. AITAH?

Edit: I’m not asking my partner to choose between her mother and me.

The pain and suffering I’m referring to is very much indirect in nature so I’m sorry if that mislead anyone. Basically my partner was made to choose between us for holidays and special occasions bc her mother refused to be near me or in the same room as me. If a family event happened and she planned on attending I could not attend. This also lead to me not being able to meet some of her family members.

Also, I’m not saying that I won’t be civil with her. I’m not saying I refuse to have a relationship with her BUT i would like it to be on my terms and a gradual process.