34m Long story short, growing up my mom was a loose canon. She could be loving at times, but also gave me 2 black eyes, one when I was 5 when she slammed my head against a table, one when 11 when she threw a hubcap at my face. She was also verbally abusive, calling us no good etc. She also stole from me multiple times.

She took my brother to Maryland (I lived in Wisconsin) when I was 11, and I didn't see her for years, not wanting any form of relationship with her. When I was 25 I had a very spiritual experience, where I realized that she was just a traumatized kid, inflicting pain on others as an outward projection of her own pain, and forgave her.

Since then, I have done my best to be there for her, and to not blame her for who she is, and what she did. The only thing is, is her actions are still the same (obviously she can't be violent toward me because I'm bigger than her now and live far away). Also worth noting, she basically groomed my brother to be her surrogate husband when she took him to Maryland, and they lived together until he was 25 and couldn't take it anymore (he was always babied when we were young, until her punching bag wasn't there, and he began to see what I had experienced). He doesn't want her with him, because she is toxic.

But she also has had 10 back surgeries, is on disability, and social security. She can still walk and cleans the house etc, but doesn't work. She has never gone to therapy, she doesn't do anything to help her own health, and she is ALWAYS spewing negativity.

Now she is living with her Aunt who is in her 80's, because she dropped the ball on getting section 8 because none of the places were good enough for her.

To note, I have a chronic condition, and am dealing with depression myself, and I just feel like having her in my life is not good for me. I want to tell her, that I love her, but in order for me to talk to her, and have a relationship, she needs to go to therapy and show me that she is actually willing to change.

So AITAH?