Okay so, i (17 f) have been dating my boyfriend for a year, the whole deal started a few years ago, i used to hand out at my local mall with and old friendgroup, one day we started hanging out with a new group of people arround our age and i connected super well with most of them,specially this one girl my age, we'll call her N, so like a year goes by, a lot of not really important stuff happened and now we're a 4 people friendship, we used to hang out a lot with the only other friendgroup that survived the mall stage. One day we where celebrating a national festive day and this 21 year old started being kind of flirty towards me (i was 15 and very very stupid), i dont really want to get into detail but lets say that after 5-6 months "dating him" (he never made us official cause he knew he was commiting a crime, and the fact that my stupid 15 y/o self choose him over my friends and another guy (that is my current boyfriend) who i had a weird situationship with some days prior to the day of the festivity, i get separated from the people that i loved the most because it felt like such a good idea to get with a guy 6 years older than me, after those 5-6 months of """"dating""""" and a whole lot of both mental a trust issues i left this guy and tried to gain friends once again, i am deepy ashamed for hanging my most honest friendships for a guy and it is something that to this day i deeply regret, even though i learnt and matured a lot from it, so fast forward to november 2023, i contacted some old friends that knew they could get my back outside and on my feet again, so i started going out with them and they brought me back to N and her friends, after that i tried my best just for them to tolerate me, i knew that ichanged them and i felt like shit about it, but turns out that it was even worse than i tought, i was depressed and lost like 10 kg in 2-3 month and my father got his foot infected and could have hs whole leg amputated so yeah i was at a very low moment and was just so happy to get back to my friends, even though they said everything was fine, that where pure lies, they never wanted to hang out with me and didnt even gave me a reason other than "just not today" and i barely saw them, one of the days that we did hang out they invited L (my current byfriend) and he actually treated e like a person and helped me so much when my dad was in the hospital, after some time we made a group on disord to play games together (N and our friends, L and some of his friends too) there where a lot of disscusions within that group but things started getting bad on june-july 2024 at this point i had been dating L for a few months (like 4) and he made a trip to italy with his family and he didnt really join vc that much, neither did i in general, i never was active and joined very few times, and meanwhile neither me or my boyfriend where on call, they talked shit about our relationship (im not sure of the exact things they said but i was all of them too) ater that they where somehow so mad they decided to never talk to me again and ignore me, just 0 contact at all, no hanging out no texts no nothing, its been close to a year since that happened and i still dont exactly now what made them pop and (at least act) like they hated me, now, april 2025 im stillbeing ignored by all of them and have the literal amount of 2 friends (one that i never even see) and my boyfriend, life feels so awkward arround new peple and aways end up feeling that they dont like me, and i just get to feel like this wen my boyfriends gets checked on by people that insulted us and our relationship a year ago every week, he actively talks to them and even tough i try for it not to affect me, it just seems very unfair that he get hangout invitations and the only thing i got after a year is silent treatment, this month is N's birthday and her bofriend is coming over cause he lives away, and guess who he texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to hand out, the day i foud out i had one of my worst breackdowns, so im genuenly curious, am i the asshole? (im sorry if there are any spelling mistakes i wrote this very quickly and english isnt my first language either)