Hello again, Reddit. If you’ve seen any of my previous posts, you know I write these things in a sort of emotional and ramble way. And this will be no different.

I (17f) am staying with an aunt and uncle out of state (10+ hour drive home) for the next two weeks. And I have already been here for 3 days.

I’d love to go in detail as to why I am so reluctant to go home, but I’ve always had Reddit delete one draft of this post on accident. And I don’t want to have to type that all out again. So I’m going to keep my rant short.

I have gained weight since the beginning of the new school year. Not out of any conscious decision, but no one can stay the same weight they were at 14 forever. I’ve gained (roughly) 15 pounds. Even previous to me gaining weight, I was heavy set. Not out of any personal non-effort to stay thin or any conscious decision to gain weight. But I had a change in habit. I no longer took strength and conditioning in school, since I had completed my PE credit. And I started (willingly) eating more than one meal a day. Even going as far as to cut down my coffee intake.

The only reason I mention all of this, is it seems to me my mother’s primary concern for the past 2+ months. She has offered to take me to the gym with her, to which I have accepted. Even going as far as to make us a workout plan. Only for her to not take me when she goes, and not want to go on the alternative times I present that (should) work for both of us.

On top of trying to get me back into working out (if you can call what she does that. She has a different definition of exercise than me). She has been pressuring me to start taking the same weight loss drug she takes. Even going as far as to spend a majority of the evening I was getting my graduation pictures done chatting with the photographer (who is on a similar drug) about how happy they both are with how much weight they’ve lost in two months (I’ve checked, the amounts are not healthy or sustainable).

Understandably, I was uncomfortable. But just because of the drug talk, but because the things they said they were happy were gone were all things I either value in my appearance (wide hips and big chest) or things I enjoyed (food. I like cooking and eating GOOD food.)

If you’ve gotten to here, you’re still reading, and you’re wondering if my mother’s concern for my weight is motivated by concern for my health? you are wrong. I have been medically cleared as healthy. No high blood pressure, no chemical imbalances, my diet is still healthy, I indulge myself occasionally, but not to an insane amount. The only issue to her is that I’m chubbier, and cannot fit into the hand me downs I’ve had for 3+ years anymore. (I grew even after I turned 14, shocker)

to give you, the reader. A mental image of my physical appearance- and I know this sounds conceited. Please bear with me. I have had people I know (primarily friends in school) compare my figure to ones depicted in paintings. (I’ve image searched some of the pictures they showed me, and traced a few back to the same artist. John William Godward. So if you need a mental image- google that guy)

Now, all that jazz about my weight might not be a very good explanation as to why I don’t want to go home after my trip ends. But that’s legitimately the tip of the iceberg, it’s just the part I went into most detail on.

I have a primary responsibility when it comes to helping my siblings (14m, 11m, 10f respectively). Getting them from school, making them dinners, being their emotional support (if they go to my mom she makes it about her own childhood trauma. And blames my siblings for their issues), I also have to hide them during fights, take them out whenever they ask my parents and they don’t want to drive, etc.

On top of those, I am also paying more than half of my income monthly to my parents for my phone and my car insurance. I’m eligible to graduate early, and somehow all planning for both of my graduation parties (one for each side of the family has fallen onto me. From contacting a photographer for my pictures to figuring out times dates themes menu’s decor etc for the parties, and more.

All of that, happens over top of me trying to finish school from home. And all of a sudden.. I’m somewhere else.

I have been away from home for three days, and I can’t even begin to describe how weird it feels to be so.. calm. I’ve been working out (they have a weight cage here), eating healthy, talking to my friends more, participating in self care, just a million and one things that were out of reach back home. I haven’t even has the DESIRE to eat takeout, or check my weight since coming. Everything is just so much calmer, and I’m having the chance to practice being a person without having kids I didn’t birth attached to the experience. This isn’t a vacation, I’m still expected to help out around the house and do all my schoolwork, but suddenly it feels like so much less of a burden.

I’m still here for another two weeks or so, and I’m starting to feel abit guilty. I know I’m SO much happier here, but all of my siblings are still at home. I set up my Pc before i left, so that my siblings could use it to reach out in case of emergency. So I have that peace of mind. And it seems like so far nothing has happened in my absence. But as much as I love being relaxed here, I’m worried that if I want to stay I’ll be dooming my siblings to be raised the same way I was.

I know that I’ll still have to go home in two weeks, but I’ve been given the option to move down here once I turn 18. And I’m genuinely starting to think about it.

AITAH for not wanting to go home, at least not permanently. Even if it means I won’t be able to support my siblings as well?