I need a sanity check here and I’m hoping I can get some assistance.

So, my girlfriend works at a really toxic company. The people are toxic, the ownership is toxic, she is underpaid, overworked, not valued as a human and is treated pretty poorly. She is mid level, and reports to a director. For example, recently she had a family emergency, and it happened to coincide with an important part of her job. She rushed to the hospital on day one of this important multi day event, and when she texted her boss the severity of the life threatening and very scary situation, her boss responded with “let me know if you are going to make it in tomorrow.” Zero empathy. Zero concern for her family member’s wellbeing.

Of course, I have been hearing about these types of issues as long as I have been dating her (about a year). And I was obviously irate at her boss for treating her like shit. I have been extremely supportive and doing whatever I can to help her during this unexpected emergency, and I have expressed to her that any company that doesn’t place an importance on the human beings working at a company first is not a company she should work for. She has agreed, and is a woman of principle.

A little bit about me: I own my own business. We have a great team, very family first, and I started my company after having a really bad experience with shitty corporate America. So this kind of hits home a little, and I also have a different perspective as someone who owns a successful company.

My girlfriend and I are pretty serious, and will be moving in together in the next few weeks. We have talked about getting married, she’s not a gold digger, and I truly love this woman. I look at what we are doing as something special. When I talk about wins my company has, I talk about us winning- not me, because I feel like I truly have a partner.

Here is where the issue lies: she talks a LOT of shit about her boss and the executive leadership team. And the majority of the time, she is right and she is valid in her thought process. And I tell her that. Other times, I have tried to nicely tell her things to help shed light on what’s going on with the business (or what I can glean from what she tells me) and it’s been fairly constructive.

But lately, it’s been really hard to just listen. It’s the same shit, the same complaints about the same people, and it’s relentless. Sometimes she will go on an on for an hour or more, and I just let her vent, listen, offer feedback when asked for and otherwise keep quiet. I’m an extremely positive person and have a glass-half-full mindset, so it can be difficult for me to hear someone bitch so much. A couple weeks ago (before the family emergency), I pulled some jobs from LinkedIn and shared them with her to take a look at what’s out there. She didn’t apply to a single one.

Yesterday, my company had an incredible day, a potential life changer for her and I. We are looking at exiting and selling and I was so excited to talk with her about it. I texted her and she said she couldn’t wait to hear. We got together for dinner, and when she got in the car she was in the worst mood, telling me how bad of a day she had. I asked her what happened, and the floodgates opened. She went on and on and on, and the whole time I couldn’t help but think the following:

1. Why is she so surprised by these people’s actions? It’s the same thing over and over.
2. Why does she continue to subject herself to this? Is she a glutton for punishment?
3. She is so self-absorbed, is she forgetting the fact that there was huge positive news that I wanted to tell her?

So eventually, I said something. I told her that every single time she has to deal with these shitty individuals, she should just smile and know in her heart that if she doesn’t want this job, she doesn’t need to work at it. I asked her if she thought any of this was going to matter in 10 years, let alone 12 months from now, and her response was something to the affect of “you get pissed off too I’m entitled to vent to my partner.”

Never once did she ask me about my day or the HUGE news.

We left the restaurant and I told her that I couldn’t take hearing the same shit day after day without any action to change the situation. That set her off even more. I was pleading with her to get a new job, and her response was that I am not supportive. My friends of the internet, if I explain to you what I have been doing it would blow my cover, but I have been emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially supportive of this woman and her family for months, and really have been there for her during this emergency. So when she told me that, I got pissed. I said how dare you, dropped her off at her car and sped away. Didn’t burn rubber, but I was extremely upset and hurt.

Now, im the bad guy. How dare I tell her to get a new job. How dare I question why she doesn’t leave and not just sit there and let her vent about the same shit day in and day out. And she told me that it’s clear she won’t be able to confide in me about her work.

I’m all for being an ear, but I guess normally I’m used to people taking action instead of just bitching to bitch. I want her to work somewhere where they value her and she’s doing something that she loves. Basically, I feel like I’m being gaslit to take away from the fact that she couldn’t look past her shitty work day to get some positive news about the life that her and I are starting to build.

AITAH?

Thank you for reading- sorry it was so long!