I (29F) have always considered myself the family glue, even though my relationship with my older sister Andrea (32F) has always been a little shaky. When Andrea got engaged last summer to Mark (33M), one of the kindest and most genuine people I know, I was truly happy for her and eagerly offered to help with what she called her dream wedding. At first, she simply asked for my help researching color schemes and venue ideas. I believed that family meant making some sacrifices, so I agreed despite my busy work schedule and personal commitments.

However, things quickly escalated. One Saturday morning I received a barrage of texts asking me to join another planning session at a downtown venue on a day I had already committed to a charity event. When I explained that I could not cancel my plans, Andrea replied with an emotionally charged message saying, “If you don’t do this for me, you don’t love me.” I understood that wedding planning could be stressful, but being guilt-tripped like that felt completely unacceptable.

Over the following weeks, her demands grew more extravagant. I clearly remember the day she called me in tears after a vendor meeting, demanding that I cancel a long-planned brunch with friends to “rescue” her wedding décor. Then I overheard hints that she had been flirting with one of the vendors and even implied that if I wasn’t available to handle her endless crises, she might find someone else who would be more dependable. It was heartbreaking because Mark has always been supportive of Andrea and remains completely unaware of her manipulative behavior.

Our parents were quick to side with Andrea. In a family group chat, my mother wrote, “We all know you let Andrea get away with everything because you’re too nice,” as if I were at fault. A cousin messaged me privately, saying, “Since you won’t help, you’ll miss all the fun family moments.” It hurt deeply because I had always tried to be there for our family events, yet now Andrea expected me to cancel everything—even if it meant sacrificing my own life.

About a month ago, Andrea sent an ultimatum: “If you’re not 100% on board with rearranging your entire life for me, I don’t want you involved at all. I’m already talking to (our other sister).” This message arrived after she demanded an early Monday call while I was in the middle of a critical work project. I replied honestly that I couldn’t put my whole life on hold just to make her wedding perfect. Her response was ruthless: “You’re ruining my dream. I thought family would support me.” That was the final straw.

I then sent her a message saying, “Andrea, I’m sorry, but I can’t be your wedding planner. I’ll be there on your big day as a guest, but I will not sacrifice my mental health or professional responsibilities to fix every little crisis you create.” The fallout was immediate and harsh. Our parents bombarded me with calls accusing me of selfishness and even a homewrecker, while my other sister sided with Andrea. Extended family members began to claim that I was punishing her for being sensitive, failing to see that I was simply drawing necessary boundaries.

What makes this situation even more heartbreaking is Mark’s circumstance. He is one of the nicest, most genuine men I know. He has been supportive of Andrea throughout, and it breaks my heart that he remains completely unaware of her manipulative behavior. I reached out to him privately, and he expressed nothing but kindness and concern. He deserves better than to have his future marred by Andrea’s antics and scandalous behavior.

I truly love my sister and want her to have a joyful wedding, yet I must also look out for my own well-being. I’ve lost sleep, canceled important plans, and rearranged my life more times than I can count. I am exhausted from the constant pressure to drop everything and be available all the time, and every time Andrea accuses me of not caring, it stings deeply. At family dinners, the tension is palpable and whispers follow whenever my name is mentioned. I used to be the dependable one everyone could count on, but now it feels like I’m being punished for simply setting healthy boundaries.

So, AITA for pulling out of planning my sister’s wedding because I finally stood up for myself and for Mark, who does not deserve to be caught up in all this drama? I’m struggling with guilt over the fallout, and I really need honest feedback on whether I crossed the line.