backstory that’s important later - I was in a DV relationship for 7 years, and when i finally got out of it my children were 7 and 3. We were put through different type of channels for us all to get help and through this the oldest was diagnosed with AUDHD and the youngest was diagnosed with ADHD.

fast forward to now, I have a new partner who I live with. My children are 9 and 5. My partners mum adopted a dog when he was 4 so we’re unsure of the dogs life prior to that, other than he was tied to a bed in a dark room when she went to pick him up. The dog is now 9. My MIL had a baby last year, and the dog become pretty jealous quite quickly. He would growl at the baby. The dog went from being centre of attention, sleeping in MILS bed and being able to roam the house, to being crated on a night and not allowed near MIL as she was bf the baby. My OH said to his mum that we would take the dog as it’s not fair on him. The dog become part of our family 6 months ago and all was well, the kids loved him. He loved having people to play with.

A few nights ago my youngest was sat with the dog, he went to stroke him and the dog bit his face. 2 little almost like deep scratch marks on his lip. The dog has never bit before, there was no warning sign before hand. The dog normally growls when he was doesn’t want to be touched but this incident happened too quick. I spent the next day ringing shelters for advice and after hearing the same answer again and again, I rang the vet who scheduled him to be put down.

The shelters answers were basically that they would have took the dog in even though he had bit because it was an isolated incident and not severe, however the dog has too many behaviours that would deter adopters from wanting him. Just so anyone who reads this post has the full insight, the dog has to be crated when fireworks go off otherwise he runs at windows while barking and whining. He bites hoovers even if you just touch it to move it, and if you lock him in a different room he barks and bites the doors. He needs to be crated in the car otherwise he barks the whole journey. He barks at people cooking fried eggs. He barks at people going past the house, and gets louder and more aggressive sounding if they start coming up the drive, even people he knows. One shelter was actually quite nasty towards me and told me if i had sorted these behaviours out when they first presented, i wouldn’t be in the situation. I have only had the dog for 6 months.

We rang MIL last night to tell her we had scheduled the euthanasia, and she got really annoyed. She started blaming my kids, saying they’re too chaotic, have no boundaries, and that me and my OH as parents shouldn’t have to tell the kids constantly to stop being hyper and to leave the dog alone. I got really annoyed because my OH has ADHD so she experienced this in his younger years too, so I told her the dog isn’t getting put down because he bit, he’s getting put down for his behaviour. She said it’s the same thing, however when I told her what the shelters had said to me she wasn’t happy and started shouting at me and my OH. In my eyes she was happy to put the blame on my kids, without taking any blame for herself for not getting this behaviours sorted when they first presented. I also stated that the kids have seen things they shouldn’t have all their life and yes I sit and repeat myself to them about the same thing but it’s going to take a while for me to sort out their bad habits and it’s not going to happen over night nor is it going to be easy. She knew what my kids were like and what they’ve been through, she could have said no to us taking the dog but she didn’t. Instead she just said yeah that’s fine, send me any money you spend on him and I’ll reimburse you (which she never has.)

The whole situation has caused arguments between me and my OH, and now between us and MIL. She’s supposed to come stay for a week in may as she lives 5 hours away and now I just think after being spoken to like that, why should I entertain that.

Should I have kept my mouth shut? Should I have done something different? Please redditors be completely brutal and honest because I’m at a loss.