I have been engaged for 2 years. I am a 33F and my fiance is 35M. Daniel. He proposed 2 years ago. We are both busy with work, we both have very demanding jobs as lawyers, and we aren't in a rush to plan the wedding. However, part of me is actually hesitant, and it's not just about timing.

To give context: We have been friends since secondary school (high school for Americans) and only started dating in our mid-twenties. We have been together for 8 years, 2 of them engaged. I love him, and part of me thinks he's my "soulmate" because we are very particular people, we see life similarly, we have the same level of passion for things, we have loads in common, we have the same taste in music, same level of sociability, we play sports together, we push each other to be better, and we support each other's dreams and independence. He also gets along with my family.

We have our issues of course, and we've been going to couple therapy for a few years on and off. He has improved on a lot of things that were bothering me about the relationship, i.e. contributing to domestic tasks, communicating better, being kinder, working on his tone/temper, being less of a workaholic. I have also been trying to improve myself, my communication skills, meeting him half-way, etc. I have also told him I wasn't satisfied with our sex life and he said he will do what he can to work on it. He is very solution-oriented and doesn't take things personally, which is amazing.

That being said, I have been waking up with a knot in my chest and dreaming about breaking up with him or wanting to be with other guys every once in a while for the past few years. I've come to the conclusion that these are cyclical doubts and the pressure of marriage. I do want to get married, but I do not want to marry someone ambivalently. I suspect I am not 100% happy with my relationship, and now I am stressed to either commit and get married or just break up, because I can't stay in uncertainty forever.

So far, my approach has been to acknowledge my doubts, take it slow, and keep doing all the things; being a good partner, plan for the future, have fun, buy a house, go to couples therapy, etc. But I'm not going to lie, the idea of ''Forever'' seems daunting to me.

I have spent years analyzing this so I have come to the following conclusions:

1. I am not happy with our sex life. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's average, and sometimes, we go weeks without doing it and I almost don't even care. I feel like we don't have good sexual chemistry and never really have. We are very comfortable with each other, we try different things, and sometimes we even have really good sex but it's rare. I've never felt that gut-wrenching pull toward him that I have felt with other guys I've dated. That makes me sad, and I want to feel that way about him. I brought it up in therapy and in conversation, and the conclusion was that working on all the facets of our relationship will bring us closer and will naturally improve our attraction to one another. It's true, we've come a long way and I do feel more attracted to him as a person, but sexually speaking, it's more or less the same. One part of me thinks, a strong foundation, respect, fun and love, far outweigh good sex, but at the same time, I can feel the lack of intense sexual energy is affecting my willingness to want to get married. We don't have kids, we aren't married yet, is now the time to take the risk and try something new? Obviously the thought of losing what we have is keeping me from doing that, but the thought is there.
2. I might still be in love with an ex (Zach). I know it sounds like I'm dropping a bomb, but I am not even sure how I feel about it so hear me out. I have spent years trying to move on but I can't seem to let go. Before I started dating Daniel, I had a fling with Zach for a couple months and it was like magic. It really felt like what all the books and movies describe. It was intense sexual attraction, fun, natural, respectful. It would probably have blossomed into something if I didn't move abroad to finish uni (college). There seemed to be an understanding that we weren't going to do long-distance because we were young and had loads to live still. The first year away, I did try to keep the conversation going but he didn't seem to want it to become anything serious, so I kept living my life. I eventually started dating Daniel, but for a long time I secretly wished Zach would give me a sign he wanted to pick things up again, but he never did. At least not in an obvious way. I knew Zach had feelings for me because I would see him here and there through friends and I could feel it, but he never called or texted. I don't know if it was shyness, pride, or whatever. There was also bad timing, sometimes he had a girlfriend when I was single and vice versa. I decided to ''invest in the one who invests in me'' as they say, and got more and more serious with Daniel. I've tried to silence all my thoughts about Zach and move on, and sometimes even convinced myself I did, but here we are. Am I hesitant to get married because a part of me wants to finish that story, or does he represent the sexual chemistry that's missing in my relationship? All I know is that when I do see him from time to time, it still feels the same for me, I still have feelings for him.

I chose to make my relationship choices based on facts and not hypotheticals, so I built something with Daniel, whose affections were clear and I grew to love him.

I've pondered my feelings about my relationship from every angle throughout the years, and I've always come to the conclusion that I made the right choice because Daniel is an amazing partner, and what matters in a relationship (commitment, value alignment, care, ambition; we have). I've even done a shrooms trip where I asked myself the question of if he's the one, and on my trip I came to the conclusion that he was. I might have had all these things with Zach, but who knows.

However, here I am, 8 years later, still hesitant to get married. Still thinking about Zach. By the way I've always brought up my issues with Daniel, I've always been very honest. I never wanted to blow things up without giving us a chance to fix them. I even told him that I had feelings for someone else a few years back (without giving any specifics) and he's always been receptive, and willing to work things out. He has 0 hesitations about me and just does anything to work on our relationship (bless him). Maybe this is what marriage is, working through the different feelings, and choosing each other.

I don't want to be the asshole who marries someone and then years later either slips up and cheats, or files for divorce and breaks up a family because I ignored my feelings. I don't want to regret not experimenting more and taking risks while I'm still relatively young and childless. Is it kinder to break up now because I am unsure? Or should I power through because we love each other and these feelings comes in waves? I want a family and my fiance and I are a good team. It's hard to find that too. But I don't want to downplay my sexual needs. I want to move with respect but I can't seem to make up my mind and it's exhausting.

Help! Thanks for your advice.